Altering The Future: The Second Harry Potter Book
by AllesandraQuartermaine
Summary: Reboot! The books have been sent in the past, and now it's time for Harry,Draco,Ron, and others to read the second book. Others will join in as well. Read on as drama and comedy unfold, and see how those in the present handle reading the books.
1. Prologue And A Note From The Author

**First I have a couple apologies to make:**

**Apology number 1: I apologize for the lack of updates. Life had gotten in the way. Needing a job, bills, lawsuits regarding bills, etc, etc, etc, getting sick, job stuff... So you can all get the idea here. Everything sort of went haywire.**

**Second Apology: I know, according to the poll, everyone wanted me to continue on with my story. But , after reading the first one and then rereading the second one, I realized I had written myself into a wall, which explained why I could not get further into the next chapter I was writing. Too many flaws in it, and it was just getting too much. I like what I did with the rewrite of the first story, and realized that the way this one was going would not fit nor work, and I had to scrap it. I am apologizing to everyone who was following it and liking it. I sincerely hope you like the revised and rebooted version.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I am not rich, in fact I am poor. No point in suing me. There's no money to take.**

**Second Disclaimer: This is not going to be dealing with the first chapter of the book. The second chapter I put up will be dealing with that. This is just the beginning.**

**Also, because of how the story is in my head I will not be doing the last two books. I actually think those two books would be the hardest for me to do. But for right now the timeline is Harry and Co are 16, in their sixth year, and Dumbledore is not dead yet, and the war is just building behind the scenes, not full scale as it was happening in the 6th and 7th books.**

* * *

_Sometime In The Not So Distant Future_

_The weather was crap._

_The wizard sighed as he noticed the storm clouds gathering, barely listening to the group behind him._

_It's been crap for a while. The Dementors were being rounded up, killed... ever since the Ministry had found out how to kill Dementors, they've given permission. But they were still breeding quickly, so therefore still a lot of fog. And the war, while the major battles were over, and Voldemort defeated, still was going on... Rebel groups, supporters of the Dark Lord, or other wizards taking advantage of the Ministry rebuilding itself, trying to buck for power._

_Harry Potter defeated Voldemort, but peace was not here yet._

_The wizard cocked his head as he looked at the storm brewing outside._

_"I think it's time to send the second book," he says casually. Opening the time hole worked fantastically during the stormy weather last time. It must have been something in the storm that helped._

_Everyone that was standing around the table, going over the plans and making sure everything was set right, look up and at the wizard who was looking out the window, when he made his announcement._

_"Granger's working on the spell again, to create the time hole," a rough voice from a wizard with a scar on his throat answered._

_"I still say we shouldn't have taken it down," the witch by his side said sounding annoyed._

_"Too much of a risk to keep it up," the wizard said absently, still looking out the window. "Had to take it down. I think it's time for the second book... some changes have already been made after they read the first one. I feel the ripples of change here, from the first one. Let me know when she gets the time hole back up. Go help her... perhaps we can get it up tonight, and find them so we can get them together in a room."_

_They all nod, and the wizard gets up from his seat and comes back over to the table, looking over the plans. He used his wand to point at one map. "Supporters of PureBlood Supremacy are currently holing up there. Since they got hit hard in the last skirmish, should be only about ten of them. Take them by surprise. No arrests are to be made."_

_With Azkaban currently destroyed, the Ministry had no fit place to put wizard prisoners. So therefore, word was sent out to the WEFF's, the Wizarding Elite Fighting Forces, that anyone caught with the rebel groups that were not fighting for the good, such as the Supporters for Pureblood Supremacy, were not to be taken prisoner. The WEFF's were judge, jury and executioner. And to make sure that they would not let the power get to anyone's head on that, three people were left in charge of the WEFF's._

_Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger._

_"Rumor has it that the Minister's daughter is with them," the wizard with the scar on his throat says casually, well as casually as someone with a rough voice can say._

_The wizard nods, and the rest of the group pause in their movements._

_"And the judgment on that?"_

_"We bring her back to him... if she's a victim," the wizard says casually. Although he didn't feel casual about it. He's not thrilled with how things are at the moment in this world, but until the Ministry can finish rebuilding, things are going to be like this._

_And hopefully, with the past reading the books, hopefully, some things will start to get better. _

* * *

**Author's Note: Okay, yeah it's a bit dark for a comedic story, but I intended for my story to be a drama and a comedy. I'll start working on the next chapter as soon as possible. Thank you for everyone for being so patient with me everyone!**


	2. The Gathering

**Author's Note: I do not own Harry Potter. This is written for enjoyment. Do not sue please. Have no money.**

**Second Note: I know about the whole can't do this or that in Hogwarts. Call it creative license.**

* * *

_In The Future:_

_"Everything set up?"_

"Yes."

"Quit asking it, will you? It's set up."

"I am just making sure."

The wizard snorts at the dark haired wizard's insistence and then rolls his eyes at the dark haired wizard's next question.  


_"Got everyone ready?"_

_The witch nods, glaring at the blonde one briefly, as she eyes the wizard she was getting ready to use the transportation spell. They had to be careful when doing it through a time hole._

_"So do I." The wizard turns to look at the blonde haired wizard that has the scar on his throat. "Spotted yours?"_

_"Yes."_

_"We do it after the other. No need to send them all at once."_

"For the love of Merlin, we've been through this!"

"Shut up Malfoy," the witch and the wizard say at the same time. 

_______________________________________________________________________  
_

_**In The Present:**_

_**While walking through the passageway, Harry Potter, somber from his private class with Dumbledore, suddenly felt a tightening. As well as Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, who had caught up to him. Before they could say anything though, that tightening got stranger, and if anyone was looking down that hallway that second, they would have seen the Trio disappear right in front of their eyes.**_

_**And that happened with several other people today.**_

_**Seconds later, all the people that suddenly vanished, showed up in a room. Harry thought it looked similar to the Room of Requirement.**_

_**Harry recognized Ron and Hermione of course, and when he heard the familiar voices of Fred and George, he turned to see them untangling from each other as they had landed rather unceremoniously on the floor.**_

_**"Not again," Draco Malfoy's voice is heard and Harry looks to see the blond pale wizard looking highly annoyed. Harry was now definitely annoyed, even more so when he saw Snape next to Malfoy. But his mood picked up when he saw Professor McGonagall. He didn't see Dumbledore though. Why not? Is this to do with that book? Harry remembered how they were told the next one would show up soon. It had been a month since then.**_

_**Then his gaze landed on someone he did not expect.**_

_**"Remus!"**_

_**The professor looked surprised to say the least, but shook it off and smiled warmly at Harry, giving him a brief hug.**_

_**"What is going on?" He asks curiously.**_

_**"Harry! It's another book, on the table!" Ron calls out.**_

_**Severus Snape sighs. "Wonderful," he drawls sarcastically then stares at Lupin for a moment, then turns away from him.**_

_**Everyone looks at the round table, which had some food on it, and a book. Fred grabs it.**_

_**"Ah, Harry Potter And The Chamber of Secrets."**_

_**Harry winces. Oh bloody hell. Second year. This is going to be interesting.**_

_**"And there's a note, George, want to read?"**_

_**"Why thank you Fred, so kind of you."**_

_**"Of course welcome. Here you go."**_

_**"Get on with it!" Snape snarls.**_

_**George tuts at Snape, and if anyone was truly looking at McGonagall at that time they would have seen a brief smirk.**_

_**"Once again we gather you for another reading. Do not worry, no one will be wondering where you are and everything will be taken care of. When you finish this book, you will be released. Sit down and read."**_

_**"Let's do as they order," Fred says and happily sits down in a chair, George following. The rest, very, very reluctantly. Snape of course makes sure to sit as far away from the Trio and Lupin as possible, as does Draco.**_

_**"So, time for another read! Who reads first?" George asks brightly.**_

* * *

**Author's Note: Okay, set up done now. :) Currently working on the first chapter of the book now. Let me know what you think of the reboot and the set up of the first two chapters please! **


	3. George Reads The Worst Birthday

**Author's Note: I do not own Harry Potter. This is written for enjoyment. Do not sue please. Have no money.**

**Second Note: I know about the whole can't do this or that in Hogwarts. Call it creative license.**

* * *

"Well since you have the book, George, why don't you take the first crack at it?" Minerva McGonagall tells the Weasley, who gives her a wide grin.

"Care to tell me what is going on?" Remus asks Harry.

"Hold a minute George," Harry says quickly.

"Nooooo," Draco moans. "Start now. I don't want to be holed up here forever."

"I second that," Snape mentions.

"Of course you would," McGonagall says arching an eyebrow.

"Are you saying you want to stay in here, that you want to be here?" Snape asks incredulously.

"Yes."

"No you do not."

"Yes I do, Severus. It is enlightening."

"You would say that."

"I would."

Severus sneers and then looks away muttering something about bloody cats.

"I heard that."

"Of course you did."

George and Fred grin, delighted to once more be witness to the arguments between their Slytherin professor and former Head of House. While this was going on, Harry had quickly explained everything to Remus, who goes from shocked, to concerned, to looking a little bit mad (as Ron decided to helpfully add in the bit about how the Dursley's treated him) then to concerned and finally contemplative.

"Ah, well thank you Harry. This certainly does seem like quite the interesting matter."

Harry nods, and then prepares himself for the reading.

"So, ah, ready?"

"Yes, George," everyone but Snape and Draco Malfoy says, and McGonagalls only says "Go on Mr Weasley."

George clears his throat loudly, then grins at Snape's and Malfoy's annoyance.

"** C H A P T ER O N E," **he announces**. "THE WORST BIRTHDAY."**

"Crap," Harry mutters. "Had to start out like this."

**Not for the first time, an argument had broken out over breakfast at number four, Privet Drive. Mr. Vernon Dursley had been woken in the early hours of the morning by a loud, hooting noise from his nephew Harry's room.**

"Awww, the poor Muggle got woken up?" Draco mocks, already willing to do so. "Poor him. Sod off!"

"Language, Mr Malfoy," McGonagall says tersely.

**"Third time this week!" he roared across the table. "If you can't control that owl, it'll have to go!"**

**Harry tried, yet again, to explain.**

"Fat lot of good it did me."

"Don't see why you tried, mate."

"Trust me, I don't know why either."

**"She's bored," he said. "She's used to flying around outside. If I could just let her out at night -"**

**"Do I look stupid." snarled Uncle Vernon, a bit of fried egg dangling from his bushy mustache.**

"Yes," everyone says at the same time, Lupin remains quiet though.

"It goes hand in hand with Muggles," Draco snaps.

"Goes hand in hand with some wizards too," Snape says silkily.

"Gee Malfoy, are you going to take that?"

"Shut up Weasley."

"Leave him alone, Ron."

"Aw come on Hermione."

"Leave him alone."

"I didn't do anything."

"You will."

"... Yeah you're right."

**"I know what'll happen if that owl's let out." He exchanged dark looks with his wife, Petunia.**

**Harry tried to argue back but his words were drowned by a long, loud belch from the Dursleys' son, Dudley.**

"Pig," all but the Professors say at the time.

"Insult to pigs really," Fred says.

"I want more bacon."

"I want to go."

"Shut it Malfoy."

**"There's more in the frying pan, sweetums," said Aunt Petunia, turning misty eyes on her massive son. "We must build you up while we've got the chance .... I don't like the sound of that school food ......**

**"Nonsense, Petunia, I never went hungry when I was at Smeltings," said Uncle Vernon heartily. "Dudley gets enough, don't you, son." Dudley, who was so large his bottom drooped over either side of the kitchen chair, grinned and turned to Harry.**

**"Pass the frying pan."**

**"You've forgotten the magic word," said Harry irritably.**

"You know mate, you're not fun to be around when irritated."

"Really, Ron you just now figured that out? After all of fifth year?"

"Come on Hermione, I was trying to joke."

"It wasn't funny."

"Don't start," Draco intercedes before the two of them bicker. "My head can't take you two arguing.

"Nor I," Snape adds.

"Greasy git," Harry mutters.

"I heard that, Potter."

"Bully for you."

"I can take points."

"Doubt it'll work."

"Enough!" McGonagall snapped. "Continue reading, please."

**The effect of this simple sentence on the rest of the family was incredible; Dudley gasped and fell off his chair with a crash that shook the whole kitchen;**

"Fat tub of lard," all but McGonagall, Snape, and Lupin annouce.

**Mrs. Dursley gave a small scream and clapped her hands to her mouth; Mr. Dursley jumped to his feet, veins throbbing in his temples.**

"Seriously?" Draco asks incredously.

"Seriously," Harry replies.

"Have you forgotten what they were like in the first book?" Ron asks.

"Apparently so."

"I don't blame him," Ron mutters. "No one wants to remember them."

**"I meant `please'!" said Harry quickly.**

**"I didn't mean -" "WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU," thundered his uncle, spraying spit over the table,**

Draco makes a face.

"Charming," Snape sneers.

**"ABOUT SAYING THE `M' WORD IN OUR HOUSE."**

Snape raises an eyebrow. "M word?" He repeats in a sneer.

"Magic," Harry adds helpfully.

"I know what he was most likely referring to Potter!"

"Then why ask?"

Snape glares at Harry and then everyone swears they hear a chuckle from McGonagall, but this is McGonagall so they weren't quite sure. Remus just looked amused at the whole matter.

**"But I -" **

**"HOW DARE YOU THREATEN DUDLEY!" roared Uncle Vernon, pounding the table with his fist.**

"And broke it," Draco says hopefully.

"The table or his fist?"

"Both."

**"I just -" **

**"I WARNED YOU! I WILL NOT TOLERATE MENTION OF YOUR ABNORMALITY UNDER THIS ROOF!" Harry stared from his purple-faced uncle to his pale aunt, who was trying to heave Dudley to his feet.**

Draco snorts at that. "Fat lot of good it did her."

"Did Malfoy make a joke George?"

"I believe he did Fred."

"Wow..."

"Indeed."

"CONTINUE READING!" Snape spits out.

"What's the magic word?" George asks with a wide grin, gleefully. Snape glares at him.

"Severus," McGonagall says sternly. "You do know the word do you not?"

Remus deliberately drops something so he doesn't have to watch this interplay.

Everyone watches Snape sneer and snarl and then they all grin when they hear a soft "Please."

"Excellent. Read on George."

"Of course Fred."

"Idiots," Draco mutters.

**"All right," said Harry, "all right. . . " Uncle Vernon sat back down, breathing like a winded rhinoceros and watching Harry closely out of the corners of his small, sharp eyes.**

**Ever since Harry had come home for the summer holidays, Uncle Vernon had been treating him like a bomb that might go off at any moment, because Harry Potter wasn't a normal boy. As a matter of fact, he was as not normal as it is possible to be.**

Draco rolls his eyes. "Oh please, are we going to go over this now?"

"Looks like," Ron says with a shrug.

Harry Potter was a wizard

"Ohhhh, shocking..."

"Stuff it Malfoy."

"Pathetic, Weasley."

**- a wizard fresh from his first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. And if the Dursleys were unhappy to have him back for the holidays, it was nothing to how Harry felt.**

**He missed Hogwarts so much it was like having a constant stomachache. He missed the castle, with its secret passageways and ghosts, his classes (though perhaps not Snape, the Potions master),**

"Well it's mutual Potter," Snape growls.

"No one misses you, Severus," McGonagall adds.

"Everyone misses you Professor," Hermione says sincerely to Remus, making him blush.

"Ah thank you Hermione," he says softly.

"Gee, Professor Snape, is that green in your skin?" Fred teases. "Jealous are we?"

"NO."

"That was a rather strong protest Fred."

"Indeed it was."

"George Weasley, read," McGonagall says sternly.

Harry smiles as he sees George instantly does. Because hey, this was _McGonagall. _

**the mail arriving by owl, eating banquets in the Great Hall, sleeping in his four-poster bed in the tower dormitory, visiting the gamekeeper, Hagrid, in his cabin next to the Forbidden Forest in the grounds, and, especially, Quidditch, the most popular sport in the wizarding world (six tall goal posts, four flying balls, and fourteen players on broomsticks).**

**All Harry's spellbooks, his wand, robes, cauldron, and top-of-the-line Nimbus Two Thousand broomstick had been locked in a cupboard under the stairs by Uncle Vernon the instant Harry had come home.**

"EXCUSE ME?" McGonagall says loudly. "How dare they!" She fumes.

Harry shrugs, although he definitely was not thrilled that others were learning this, as the Weasley's, Remus's, and Hermione's eyes narrowed.

**What did the Dursleys care if Harry lost his place on the House Quidditch team because he hadn't practiced all summer.**

"I care!" McGonagall says quickly.

Everyone snickers.

**What was it to the Dursleys if Harry went back to school without any of his homework done. The Dursleys were what wizards called Muggles (not a drop of magical blood in their veins), and as far as they were concerned, having a wizard in the family was a matter of deepest shame.**

Draco snorts and Snape sneers.

**Uncle Vernon had even padlocked Harry's owl, Hedwig, inside her cage, to stop her from carrying messages to anyone in the wizarding world.**

**Harry looked nothing like the rest of the family.**

"Thank Merlin," Harry says fervently.

**Uncle Vernon was large and neckless, with an enormous black mustache; Aunt Petunia was horse-faced and bony; Dudley was blond, pink, and porky. Harry, on the other hand, was small and skinny, with brilliant green eyes and jet-black hair that was always untidy. He wore round glasses, and on his forehead was a thin, lightning-shaped scar.**

**It was this scar that made Harry so particularly unusual, even for a wizard. This scar was the only hint of Harry's very mysterious past, of the reason he had been left on the Dursleys' doorstep eleven years before.**

**Draco sighs. "Again?"**

**"Yes."**

**At the age of one year old, Harry had somehow survived a curse from the greatest Dark sorcerer of all time, Lord Voldemort, whose name most witches and wizards still feared to speak. Harry's parents had died in Voldemort's attack, but Harry had escaped with his lightning scar, and somehow - nobody understood why Voldemort's powers had been destroyed the instant he had failed to kill Harry.**

"I'm booooooooored."

"Shut it Malfoy."

"Noooooooo."

"Ron, don't," Hermione says sharply, as she grabbed Ron's wrist.

"Aw, come one Hermione."

Remus chuckles.

**So Harry had been brought up by his dead mother's sister and her husband. He had spent ten years with the Dursleys, never understanding why he kept making odd things happen without meaning to, believing the Dursleys' story that he had got his scar in the car crash that had killed his parents.**

**And then, exactly a year ago, Hogwarts had written to Harry, and the whole story had come out. Harry had taken up his place at wizard school, where he and his scar were famous ... but now the school year was over, and he was back with the Dursleys for the summer, back to being treated like a dog that had rolled in something smelly.**

"Boooooooored."

**The Dursleys hadn't even remembered that today happened to be Harry's twelfth birthday. Of course, his hopes hadn't been high; they'd never given him a real present, let alone a cake - but to ignore it completely ...**

**At that moment, Uncle Vernon cleared his throat importantly and said, "Now, as we all know, today is a very important day." Harry looked up, hardly daring to believe it.**

"This could well be the day I make the biggest deal of my career, "said Uncle Vernon.

"Who cares?" Everyone says at once.

"James would be appalled at how you were raised," Remus says softly.

"Of course he would," Severus sneers.

"Severus, if you continue we will have issues," McGonagall says severely.

**Harry went back to his toast. Of course, he thought bitterly, Uncle Vernon was talking about the stupid dinner party. He'd been talk ing of nothing else for two weeks. Some rich builder and his wife were coming to dinner and Uncle Vernon was hoping to get a huge order from him (Uncle Vernon's company made drills).**

"Boooooring."

"For crying out loud Malfoy, use another word."

"Forever."

Hermione snorts.

"It was another word."

**"I think we should run through the schedule one more time," said Uncle Vernon. "We should all be in position at eight o'clock. Petunia, you will be -."**

**"In the lounge," said Aunt Petunia promptly, "waiting to welcome them graciously to our home."**

**"Good, good. And Dudley."**

**"I'll be waiting to open the door." Dudley put on a foul, simpering smile. "May I take your coats, Mr. and Mrs. Mason."**

**"They'll love him!" cried Aunt Petunia rapturously**.

"Oh my ears," Draco moans.

"You're not the only one," Remus murmurs as Fred pretends to gag.

**"Excellent, Dudley," said Uncle Vernon. Then he rounded on Harry.**

**"And you." "I'll be in my bedroom, making no noise and pretending I'm not there," said Harry tonelessly.**

Ron turns red at that and even the twins look annoyed. Remus's eyes darken.

**"Exactly," said Uncle Vernon nastily. "I will lead them into the lounge, introduce you, Petunia, and pour them -drinks. At eight- fifteen -" "I'll announce dinner," said Aunt Petunia.**

**"And, Dudley, you'll say -" "May I take you through to the dining room, Mrs. Mason." said Dudley, offering his fat arm to an invisible woman.**

**"My perfect little gentleman!" sniffed Aunt Petunia.**

Everyone but McGonagall, Snape, and Lupin gag.

**"And you." said Uncle Vernon viciously to Harry.**

**"I'll be in my room, making no noise and pretending I'm not there," said Harry dully.**

**"Precisely. Now, we should aim to get in a few good compliments at dinner. Petunia, any ideas." "Vernon tells me you're a wonderful golfer, Mr. Mason.... Do tell me where you bought your dress, Mrs. Mason ......**

**"Perfect. . . Dudley." "How about -'We had to write an essay about our hero at school, Mr. Mason, and I wrote about you."** '

"Would anyone seriously fall for that?"

"My uncle would."

"Of course your uncle would, Potter."

**This was too much for both Aunt Petunia and Harry. Aunt Petunia burst into tears and hugged her son, while Harry ducked under the table so they wouldn't see him laughing.**

"Smart move, mate."

**"And you, boy." Harry fought to keep his face straight as he emerged.**

**"I'll be in my room, making no noise and pretending I'm not there," he said.**

**"Too right, you will," said Uncle Vernon forcefully. "The Masons don't know anything about you and it's going to stay that way.**

**When dinner's over, you take Mrs. Mason back to the lounge for coffee, Petunia, and I'll bring the subject around to drills. With any luck, I'll have the deal signed and sealed before the news at ten. Be shopping for a vacation home in Majorca this time tomorrow."**

"What's so great about Majorca?" Draco asks. "I've been there. It sucks."

Harry shrugs.

**Harry couldn't feel too excited about this. He didn't think the Dursleys would like him any better in Majorca than they did on Privet Drive.**

"That is if they took me."

**"Right - I'm off into town to pick up the dinner jackets for Dudley and me. And you," he snarled at Harry. "You stay out of your aunt's way while she's cleaning." Harry left through the back door. It was a brilliant, sunny day.**

**He crossed the lawn, slumped down on the garden bench, and sang under his breath:**

**"Happy birthday to me ... happy birthday to me. . ."**

**No cards, no presents, and he would be spending the evening pretending not to exist. He gazed miserably into the hedge. He had never felt so lonely. More than anything else at Hogwarts, more even than playing Quidditch, Harry missed his best friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. They, however, didn't seem to be missing him at all. Neither of them had written to him all summer, even though Ron had said he was going to ask Harry to come and stay.**

Ron and Hermione still as something suddenly turned on in their mind.

"Hermione?" Ron whispers.

"Yes?"

"Isn't this the year that Dobby--?"

"Ohhhh... yes."

"And Lockhart?"

Hermione and Ron both grimace. "Oh boy," she whispers.

"And the polyjuice potion..." Ron goes on sounding horrified.

"Uh oh..."

**Countless times, Harry had been on the point of unlocking Hedwig's cage by magic and sending her to Ron and Hermione with a letter, but it wasn't worth the risk. Underage wizards weren't allowed to use magic outside of school. Harry hadn't told the Dursleys this; he knew it was only their terror that he might turn them all into dung beetles that stopped them from locking him in the cupboard under the stairs with his wand and broomstick. For the first couple of weeks back, Harry had enjoyed muttering nonsense words under his breath and watching Dudley tearing out of the room as fast as his fat legs would carry him. But the long silence from Ron and Hermione had made Harry feel so cut off from the magical world that even taunting Dudley had lost its appeal - and now Ron and Hermione had forgotten his birthday.**

**What wouldn't he give now for a message from Hogwarts. From any witch or wizard. He'd almost be glad of a sight of his archenemy, Draco Malfoy,**

"Really, Potter? I'm flattered."

"Don't be."

**just to be sure it hadn't all been a dream ....**

**Not that his whole year at Hogwarts had been fun. At the very end of last term, Harry had come face-to-face with none other than Lord Voldemort himself. Voldemort might be a ruin of his former self, but he was still terrifying, still cunning, still determined to regain power.**

**Harry had slipped through Voldemort's clutches for a second time, but it had been a narrow escape, and even now, weeks later, Harry kept waking in the night, drenched in cold sweat, wondering where Voldemort was now, remembering his livid face, his wide, mad eyes Harry suddenly sat bolt upright on the garden bench. He had been staring absent-mindedly into the hedge - and the hedge was staring back.**

Snape blinks.

"Beg your pardon?" Remus asks politely.

Harry chuckles. "The hedge was staring back."

"They don't stare back..." Snape drawls.

Harry just shrugged. "They did this time."

**Two enormous green eyes had appeared among the leaves.**

**Harry jumped to his feet just as a jeering voice floated across the lawn.**

**"I know what day it is," sang Dudley, waddling toward him.**

**The huge eyes blinked and vanished.**

**"What?" said Harry, not taking his eyes off the spot where they had been.**

**"I know what day it is," Dudley repeated, coming right up to him.**

**"Well done," said Harry. "So you've finally learned the days of the week."**

"Hey, awesome insult."

"Couldn't have done any better," Fred says proudly.

**"Today's your birthday," sneered Dudley. "How come you haven't got any cards. Haven't you even got friends at that freak place."**

**"Better not let your mum hear you talking about my school," said Harry coolly.**

**Dudley hitched up his trousers, which were slipping down his fat bottom.**

**"Why're you staring at the hedge." he said suspiciously.**

**" I'm trying to decide what would be the best spell to set it on fire," said Harry.**

**Dudley stumbled backward at once, a look of panic on his fat face.**

Draco laughs.

**"You c-can't - Dad told you you're not to do m-magic - he said he'll chuck you out of the house - and you haven't got anywhere else to go - you haven't got any friends to take you -"**

**"Jiggery pokery!" said Harry in a fierce voice. "Hocus pocus squiggly wiggly -"**

Snape sneers. "Really Potter?"

"Oh shut it."

He scowls.

"Potter."

"Sorry Professor," Harry says to McGonagall.

**"MUUUUUUM!" howled Dudley, tripping over his feet as he dashed back toward the house. "MUUUUM! He's doing you know what!" Harry paid dearly for his moment of fun. As neither Dudley nor the hedge was in any way hurt, Aunt Petunia knew he hadn't really done magic,**

"How did she know?" Draco snaps.

"Sister for a witch," Harry reminds him.

"I thought she pretended not to have a sister."

"And?"

"So then she would have pretended not to have known any magic, so therefore she would have blocked it out."

"Malfoy?"

"What Potter?"

"Stop talking."

"Why?"

"Because your blondeness is coming through."

**but he still had to duck as she aimed a heavy blow at his head with the soapy frying pan. Then she gave him work to do, with the promise he wouldn't eat again until he'd finished.**

**While Dudley lolled around watching and eating ice cream, Harry cleaned the windows, washed the car, mowed the lawn, trimmed the flowerbeds, pruned and watered the roses, and repainted the garden bench. The sun blazed overhead, burning the back of his neck. Harry knew he shouldn't have risen to Dudley's bait, but Dudley had said the very thing Harry had been thinking himself... maybe he didn't have any friends at Hogwarts ....**

_**Wish they could see famous Harry Potter now**_**, he thought savagely as he spread manure on the flower beds, his back aching, sweat running down his face.**

**It was half past seven, in the evening when at last, exhausted, he heard Aunt Petunia calling him.**

"Mum would be hacked to the nines if she heard this."

"Are you going to tell her?"

"Noooooo."

**"Get in here! And walk on the newspaper!" Harry moved gladly into the shade of the gleaming kitchen. On top of the fridge stood tonight's pudding: a huge mound of whipped cream and sugared violets. A loin of roast pork was sizzling in the oven.**

**"Eat quickly! The Masons will be here soon!" snapped Aunt Petunia, pointing to two slices of bread and a lump of cheese on the kitchen table. She was already wearing a salmon-pink cocktail dress.**

**Harry washed his hands and bolted down his pitiful supper. The moment he had finished, Aunt Petunia whisked away his plate.**

**"Upstairs! Hurry!" As he passed the door to the living room, Harry caught a glimpse of Uncle Vernon and Dudley in bow ties and dinner jackets. He had only just reached the upstairs landing when the door bell rang and Uncle Vernon's furious face appeared at the foot of the stairs.**

**"Remember, boy - one sound -"**

**Harry crossed to his bedroom on tiptoe slipped inside, closed the door, and turned to collapse on his bed.**

The trouble was, there was already someone sitting on it.

"Oh?" Draco perked up. "Really? This ought to be fascinating."

"Why?"

"Because then it'll no longer be boring."

* * *

**Author's Note: Hope you all enjoyed it. Had a little trouble with this chapter. It's a little rough getting back into writing. Anyway, please review.**


	4. Fred Reads This Time

**Author's Note: And on we go to the next chapter. Sorry about the delay. Life. **

**Thank you for all the reviews. I appreciated them very much.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I do not do this to make a profit. Please do not sue. I have no money. **

* * *

"Who shall read next?"

"I will!"

"Right then, Fred, there you go."

"Why thank you George. So kind you know?"

"Always brother."

"Oh knock it off!" Malfoy snaps, causing the Weasleys to chuckle.

Fred clears his throat loudly, then begins to read; " **Chapter 2 Dobby's Warning,"**

"Pardon?" Draco asks.

"That's the title, Malfoy."

"I know Weasel...Just thinking..."

"Please don't, it'll make the room smell."

"Ha ha, very funny Weasel. You come up with that yourself?"

**Harry managed not to shout out, but it was a close thing. The little creature on the bed had large, bat-like ears and bulging green eyes the size of tennis balls. Harry knew instantly that this was what had been watching him out of the garden hedge that morning.**

**As they stared at each other, Harry heard Dudley's voice from the hall.**

"**May I take your coats, Mr. and Mrs. Mason?"**

**The creature slipped off the bed and bowed so low that the end of its long, thin nose touched the carpet. Harry noticed that it was wearing what looked like an old pillowcase, with rips for arm- and leg-holes.**

"**Er—hello," said Harry nervously.**

"**Harry Potter!" said the creature in a high-pitched voice Harry was sure would carry down the stairs. "So long has Dobby--**

"That's odd..." Hermione muses. Snape rolls his eyes as Harry turns to her and is heard muttering something about time and wasted.

"What is it Hermione?"

"Well when you first told me his name back in second year, I thought I had heard it before, so I looked it up. It's actually a word. A dobby is a piece of a machine."

"Oh Merlin, here comes the dictionary."

"Shut it Malfoy."

"Don't be so noble Weasley, you know you were thinking it."

"Please go on Ms Granger," McGonagall and Remus say at the same time, hoping to speed this along so the reading can continue.

"The machine that a dobby is a part of deals with geometric features."

"Geometric features?" All the adults echo.

Harry sighs. "Muggle thing."

"Oh."

"The geometric figures are an important part of the machine. It makes things happen."

"Soo..." Fred drawls.

"Hermione, you lost us at the beginning," George said with a smile.

"If just ONE of you would pick up a book you wouldn't be so lost!"

"But then Hermione, you wouldn't be here to explain everything to us," Ron says kindly, making Hermione blush a little and Draco gag, earning a glare from Harry.

"What I believe what Miss Granger is trying to say that the name fits the elf, because if I remember the stories correctly that Harry had told me," Remus glances at Harry and he nods, "he makes things happen. He's part of the machine so to speak."

"Merlin, Girl! Why couldn't you have said that earlier? It would have saved us some endless prattle and me a headache," Snape snarls.

"Oh yes, Severus, make this about you," McGonagall drawls earning herself a glare from Severus. She stares at him for a moment then turns to the Weasley twin/ "Continue reading please."

**wanted to meet you, sir…Such an honor it is…."**

"**Th-thank you," said Harry, edging along the wall and sinking into his desk chair, next to Hedwig, who was asleep in her large cage. He wanted to ask, "What are you?" but thought it would sound too rude, so instead he said, "Who are you?"**

"**Dobby, sir. Just Dobby. Dobby the house-elf," said the creature.**

"**Oh—really?" said Harry. "Er—I don't want to be rude or anything, but—this isn't a great time for me to have a house-elf in my bedroom."**

"Tactful."

"I was trying to be Hermione."

"Better than Ron I suppose."

"Hey!"

**Aunt Petunia's high, false laugh sounded from the living room. The elf hung his head.**

**"Probably couldn't bear hearing that hideous voice."**

"**Oh, yes, sir," said Dobby earnestly. "Dobby has come to tell you, sir…it is difficult, sir…Dobby wonders where to begin…."**

"**Sit down," said Harry politely, pointing at the bed.**

"Mistake."

"I figured that out after Malfoy."

**To his horror, the elf burst into tears—very noisy tears.**

"**S-sit down!" he wailed "Never… never ever…"**

**Harry thought he heard the voices downstairs falter.**

"**I'm sorry," he whispered, "I didn't mean to offend you or anything— "**

"**Offend Dobby!" choked the elf. "Dobby has never been asked to sit down by a wizard—like an equal—"**

"BECAUSE YOU AREN'T!" Malfoy snarls.

Ron and Harry instantly duck under the table as Hermione suddenly lets loose with a rant about house-elves, causing even the adults to cover their ears and at the end of it Malfoy looks like he'd been hit over a head with a shovel and is appropriately dazed. It takes a few minutes from Ron to calm Hermione down, and the Weasley twins look like they are quite enjoying themselves.

Then they continue reading.

**Harry, trying to say "Shh!" and look comforting at the same time, **

"Kind of hard to do that, mate, I think."

**ushered Dobby back onto the bed where he sat hiccoughing, looking like a large and very ugly doll. At last he managed to control himself, and sat with his great eyes fixed on Harry in an expression of watery adoration.**

"**You can't have met many decent wizards," said Harry, trying to cheer him up.**

**Dobby shook his head. Then, without warning, he leapt up and started banging his head furiously on the window, shouting, "Bad Dobby! Bad Dobby!"**

"**Don't—what are you doing?" Harry hissed, springing up and pulling Dobby back onto the bed—Hedwig had woken up with a particularly loud screech and was beating her wings wildly against the bars of her cage.**

"**Dobby had to punish himself, sir," said the elf, who had gone slightly cross-eyes. "Dobby almost spoke ill of his family, sir…."**

"**Your family?"**

"**The wizard family Dobby serves, sir….Dobby is a house-elf—bound to serve one house and one family forever…."**

"**Do they know you're here?" asked Harry curiously.**

**Dobby shuddered.**

"Definitely a no."

"Really? You think? Excellent observation, Mr Weasley"

"Greasy git," Ron mutters.

"**Oh, no, sir, no…Dobby will have to punish himself most grievously for coming to see you, sir. Dobby will have to shut his ears in the oven door for this. If they ever knew, sir—"**

"We had a house elf that did that a lot," Draco says finally coming out of his daze.

"Really?" Harry asks casually.

"**But won't they notice if you shut your ears in the oven door?"**

"No," Draco says flatly.

"**Dobby doubts it, sir. Dobby is always having to punish himself for something, sir. They lets Dobby get on with it, sir. Sometimes they reminds me to do extra punishments…."**

"Granger why are you glaring at me?"

"Because."

"**But why don't you leave? Escape?"**

"**A house-elf must be set free, sir. And the family will never set Dobby free…Dobby will serve the family until he dies, sir…."**

**Harry stared. "And I thought I had it bad staying here for another four weeks,"**

"You do," all say at once, including Severus and Draco.

**he said. "This makes the Dursleys sound almost human. Can't anyone help you? Can't I?"**

**Almost at once, Harry wished he hadn't spoken. Dobby dissolved again into wails of gratitude.**

"Oh for Merlin's sake, this is pitiful. What family has this wretched elf?" Draco groans. "I feel bad for them."

Harry and Ron do their best not to smirk, but they have to concentrate REALLY hard not to, while Hermione just glances up at the ceiling.

"**Please," Harry whispered frantically, "please be quiet. If the Dursleys hear anything, if they know you're here—"**

"**Harry Potter asks if he can help Dobby…Dobby has heard of your greatness, sir, but of your goodness, Dobby never knew…."**

**Harry, who was feeling distinctly hot in the face, said, "Whatever you've heard about my greatness is a load of rubbish. I'm not even top of my year at Hogwarts; that's Hermione, she—"**

Hermione blushes.

"Awwwww..." All the Weasley's go.

"I'm going to be sick," Draco mutters. Snape looks a little green himself.

"There you go then," Remus says as he slips out of his wand and transfigures one of the small statues near them in the room into a pail bucket.

"Why thanks," both men say dryly, but Severus of course glares at Lupin.

**But he stopped quickly, because thinking about Hermione was painful.**

"**Harry Potter is humble and modest," said Dobby reverently, his orb-like eyes aglow. "Harry Potter speaks not of his triumph over He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named—"**

"**Voldemort?"said Harry.**

**Dobby clapped his hands over his bat ears and moaned, "Ah, speak not the name, sir! Speak not the name!"**

"**Sorry," said Harry quickly. "I know lots of people don't like it. My friend Ron—"**

**He stopped again. Thinking about Ron was painful, too.**

"It comes with the territory," Snape drawls. "Thinking about any Weasley tends to put one in pain."

"We do try."

**Dobby leaned toward Harry, his eyes wide as headlights.**

"Headlights?" Draco asks.

"Muggle thing," Hermione and Harry say at the same time.

"**Dobby heard tell," he said hoarsely, "that Harry Potter met the Dark Lord for a second time, just weeks ago…that Harry Potter escaped yet again."**

**Harry nodded and Dobby's eyes suddenly shone with tears.**

"Seriously, weird elf."

"**Ah, sir," he gasped, dabbing his face with a corner of the grubby pillowcase he was wearing. "Harry Potter is valiant and bold! He has braved so many dangers already! But Dobby has come to protect Harry Potter, to warn him, even if he does have to shut his ears in the oven door later….Harry Potter must not go back go Hogwarts."**

"Pardon?" Minerva asks archly.

"Need me to repeat it, Professor?" Fred asks.

"No.""

"Why didn't you listen?" Draco complains.

"Because I'm too stubborn," Harry remarks.

Remus snorts at that.

**There was a silence broken only by the chink of knives and forks from downstairs and the distant rumble of Uncle Vernon's voice.**

"**W-what?" Harry stammered. "But I've got to go back—term starts on September first. It's all that's keeping me going. You don't know what it's like here. I don't belong here. I belong in your world—at Hogwarts."**

"**No, no, no," squeaked Dobby, shaking his head so hard his ears flapped. "Harry Potter must stay where he is safe. He is too great, too good, to lose. If Harry Potter goes back to Hogwarts, he will be in mortal danger."**

"This house-elf is making my head ache with his prostrations of heroworship of you," Snape complains.

"**Why?" said Harry in surprise.**

"**There is a plot, Harry Potter.**

"Of course there's a plot. There is always a plot," Minerva says dryly.

**A plot to make most terrible things happen at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry this year," whispered Dobby, suddenly trembling all over. "Dobby has known it for months, sir. Harry Potter must not put himself in peril. He is too important, sir!"**

Draco blinks, and starts to mutter something about odd house elfs.

"Something the matter Malfoy?" Ron asks casually, trying VERY HARD not to smile.

"No, no," Draco mutters. "Just that house-elf..."

"**What terrible things?" said Harry at once. "Who's plotting them?"**

**Dobby made a funny choking noise and then banged his head frantically against the wall.**

"**All right!" cried Harry, grabbing the elf's arm to stop him. "You can't tell me. I understand. But why are you warning me?" A sudden, unpleasant thought struck him. "hang on—this hasn't got anything to do with Vol-—sorry—with You-Know-Who, has it? You could just shake or nod," he added hastily as Dobby's head tilted worryingly close to the wall again.**

**Slowly, Dobby shook his head.**

"**Not—not He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, sir—"**

**But Dobby's eyes were wide and he seemed to be trying to give Harry a hint.**

**Harry, however, was completely lost.**

"Too bad I didn't figure it out until it was spelled out for me," Harry mutters to Hermione.

"What was that Potter?"

"Nothing."

Snape stares at Harry for a moment, but since Potter was not looking at him, he could not use his gift of Legilmancy to look into his mind.

"**He hasn't got a brother, has he?"**

**Dobby shook his head, his eyes wider than ever.**

"**Well then, I can't think who else would have a chance of making horrible things happen at Hogwarts," said Harry. "I mean, there's Dumbledore, for one thing—you know who Dumbledore is, don't you?"**

"Everyone and everything knows who Dumbledore is," Minerva says dryly.

**Dobby bowed his head.**

"**Albus Dumbledore is the greatest headmaster Hogwarts has ever had. Dobby knows it, sir. Dobby has heard Dumbledore's powers rival those of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named at the height of his strength. But, sir"—Dobby's voice dropped to an urgent whisper—"there are powers Dumbledore doesn't…powers no decent wizard…"**

**And before Harry could stop him, Dobby bounded off the bed, seized Harry's desk lamp, and started beating himself around the head with earsplitting yelps.**

**A sudden silence fell downstairs. Two seconds later Harry, heart thudding madly, heard Uncle Vernon coming into the hall, calling, "Dudley must have left his television on again, the little tyke!"**

"That Muggle is not little," Draco grumbles, annoyed at Vernon Dursley's idiocy. "He needs his eyes checked."

"He needs his head checked."

"Too late for that Ron."

"**Quick! In the closet!" hissed Harry, stuffing Dobby in, shutting the door, and flinging himself onto the bed just as the door handle turned.**

"Good timing."

"It seems to be a knack of mine."

"What—the—devil—are—you—doing?" said Uncle Vernon through gritted teeth, his face horribly close to Harry's. "You've just ruined the punch line of my Japanese golfer joke….One more sound and you'll wish you'd never been born, boy!"

"Your guests were spared from hearing a horrible joke," Hermione sniffs.

"Can you lower your nose, Granger? It shouldn't be up that high."

"And yours should?"

"Well I earned the right."

"That's a load of bull if I ever heard one," Ron retorts.

"And trust me, he's heard plenty," Fred and George chime in together.

**Shaking, Harry let Dobby out of the closet.**

"About time, Harry," Fred grins.

"What?"

"It was about time you let Dobby come out of the closet. It gets awfully claustraphobic I've been told, having to hide in one for such a long time. Coming out apparently is quite fulfilling."

Harry frowns and looks at Ron. "Why do I feel confused?"

Severus Snape snorts, an act highly unlike him which causes others to stare at him.

"**See what it's like here?" he said. "See why I've got to go back to Hogwarts? It's the only place I've got—well, I think I've got friends."**

"**Friends who don't even write to Harry Potter?" said Dobby slyly.**

"**I expect they've just been—wait a minute," said Harry, frowning. "How do you know my friends haven't been writing to me?"**

**Dobby shuffled his feet.**

"**Harry Potter mustn't be angry with Dobby. Dobby did it for the best—"**

"**Have you been stopping my letters?"**

"A Slytherin would have spotted that before he even spoke."

"Stuff it Malfoy."

"**Dobby has them here, sir," said the elf. Stepping nimbly out of Harry's reach, he pulled a thick wad of envelopes from the inside of the pillowcase he was wearing.**

**Harry could make out Hermione's neat writing, Ron's untidy scrawl, and even a scribble that looked as though it was from the Hogwarts gamekeeper, Hagrid.**

**Dobby blinked anxiously up at Harry.**

"Yeah not surprised he was anxious," Harry mutters, still annoyed about that.

"**Harry Potter mustn't be angry….Dobby hoped…if Harry Potter thought his friends had forgotten him…Harry Potter might not want to go back to school, sir…."**

**Harry wasn't listening.**

"Not surprising."

**He made a grab for the letters, but Dobby jumped out of reach.**

"**Harry Potter will have them, sir, if he gives Dobby his word that he will not return to Hogwarts. Ah, sir, this is a danger you must not face! Say you won't go back, sir!"**

"**No," said Harry angrily. "Give me my friends' letters!"**

"Why didn't you lie?" Draco asks astonished. "Should have just lied, said yes I promise, and then he would have given you the letters."

"He has a point," Ron murmurs low enough for only Harry to hear and then winces when he realizes he agrees with the Ferret.

"I don't like lying. It's not honorable."

"You fool! Lying is an imperative on how to stay alive!"

"**Then Harry Potter leaves Dobby no choice," said the elf sadly.**

"He had a choice. He had a choice to NOT do what he's going to do.

" What did he do?" Fred asked. "I forgot."

"He did something?" Remus asks curiously. He hadn't felt like making many comments, too engrossed in learning about Harry's life to bother.

**Before Harry could move, Dobby had darted to the bedroom door, pulled it open, and sprinted down the stairs.**

**Mouth dry, stomach lurching, Harry sprang after him, trying not to make a sound. He jumped the last six steps, landing catlike on the hall carpet, looking around for Dobby. From the dining room he heard Uncle Vernon saying, "…tell Petunia that very funny story about the American plumbers, Mr. Mason. She's been dying to hear…"**

**Harry ran up the hall into the kitchen and felt his stomach disappear.**

"Really?"

"Just a saying, Fred."

"Oh."

**Aunt Petunia's masterpiece of a pudding, the mountain of cream and sugared violets, was floating up near the ceiling.**

"Hmmm."

"What is it now, Malfoy."

Draco shrugs. "Well I was wondering why it was detailed in the last chapter. Now we know why. It became part of the story."

"Just like a Slytherin," Snape says smugly.

"Shall we leave the room so you two can compliment each other to your heart's content?" Minerva asks dryly.

**On top of a cupboard in the corner crouched Dobby.**

"**No," croaked Harry. "Please…they'll kill me…."**

"They came close," Harry says casually.

All the Weasleys faces darken considerably and Hermione scowls blackly. Remus frowns, wondering what they could have done. And Severus and Draco actually wonder what happened to cause such a reaction from the Weasleys.

Minerva is the only one to actually think of what they might have done and she silently starts to stew, everyone missing the narrowing of her cat like eyes.

"**Harry Potter must say he's not going back to school—"**

"**Dobby…please…"**

"**Say it, sir—"**

"JUST SAY IT YOU MORON! YOU CAN TAKE BACK PROMISES!" Draco almost bellows.

" No you can't. He was essentially asking me to make a promise that I would have no intention of not upholding!"

Draco groans. "Bloody... GRYFFINDORS!" He smacks his head onto the table. "Save me from bloody idiotic chivalrous GRYFFINDORS!"

"**I can't—"**

**Dobby gave him a tragic look.**

"**Then Dobby must do it, sir, for Harry Potter's own good."**

**The pudding fell to the floor with a heart-stopping crash.**

"Oh no," All but Draco said at once. Draco was still going on about Gryffindors and their idiotic views.

Cream splattered the windows and walls as the dish shattered. With a crack like a whip, Dobby vanished.

There were screams from the dining room and Uncle Vernon burst into the kitchen to find Harry, rigid with shock, covered from head to foot in Aunt Petunia's pudding.

"How did it taste?"

"No clue."

**At first, it looked as though Uncle Vernon would manage to gloss the whole thing over. ("Just our nephew—very disturbed—meeting strangers upsets him, so we kept him upstairs…") He shooed them shocked Masons back into the dining room, promised Harry he would flay him to within an inch of his life when the Masons had left, and handed him a mop.**

Minerva's eyes narrow dangerously once again and this time the others notice. Everyone shifts in their chairs uneasily.

**Aunt Petunia dug some ice cream out of the freezer and Harry, still shaking, started scrubbing the kitchen clean.**

**Uncle Vernon might still have been able to make his deal—if it hadn't been for the owl.**

Harry sighs. "Ruined EVERYTHING."

Draco pauses in his mutterings, and looks up. "How?"

**Aunt Petunia was just passing around a box of after-dinner mints when a huge barn owl swooped through the dining room window, dropped a letter on Mrs. Mason's head, and swooped out again. Mrs. Mason screamed like a banshee and ran from the house shouting about lunatics.**

"She's got one thing right," Draco mutters.

**Mr. Mason stayed just long enough to tell the Dursleys that his wife was mortally afraid of birds of all shapes and sizes, and to ask whether this was their idea of a joke.**

**Harry stood in the kitchen, clutching the mop for support, as Uncle Vernon advanced on him, a demonic glint in his tiny eyes.**

"**Read it!" he hissed evilly, brandishing the letter the owl had delivered. "Go on—read it!"**

**Harry took it. It did not contain birthday greetings.**

_**Dear Mr. Potter,**_

_**We have received intelligence that a Hover Charm was used at your place of residence this evening at twelve minutes past nine. As you know, underage wizards are not permitted to perform spells outside school, and further spellwork on your part may lead to expulsion from said school (Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery, 1875, Paragraph C).**_

_**We must also ask you to remember that any magical activity that risks notice by members of the non-magical community (Muggles) is a serious offense under section 13 of the International Confederation of Warlocks' Statute of Secrecy.**_

_**Enjoy your holidays!**_

"Oh yes, now that my Uncle knows about me being unable to use magic," Draco suddenly says, his voice laden with sarcasm, " he won't leave me alone and make the rest of my holidays a living hell."

Everyone stares oddly at Draco.

"WHAT?!"

"Nothing," Remus says calmly.

_**Yours sincerely,**_

_**Mafalda Hopkirk**_

_**IMPROPER USE OF MAGIC OFFICE**_

_**Ministry of Magic**_

**Harry looked up from the letter and gulped.**

"**You didn't tell us you weren't allowed to use magic outside school," said Uncle Vernon, a mad gleam dancing in his eyes. "Forgot to mention it….Slipped your mind, I daresay…."**

Fred snorts. "Wonder why exactly?"

**He was bearing down on Harry like a great bulldog, all his teeth bared. "Well, I've got news for you, boy….I'm locking you up….You're never going back to that school…never…and if you try and magic yourself out—they'll expel you!"**

**And laughing like a maniac, he dragged Harry back upstairs.**

**Uncle Vernon was as bad as his word. The following morning, he paid a man to fit bars on Harry's window. He himself fitted a cat-flap in the bedroom door, so that small amounts of food could be pushed inside three times a day.**

Everyone starts as they hear a growl and Harry looks to see Remus staring off, looking...

Murderous.

And he wasn't the only one.

Minerva was actually looking it as well.

"Er, professors?" Hermione spoke up timidly.

It seemed to jerk them back to reality, and they shook their heads. When everyone went back to the story, Minerva and Remus exchanged looks and then a nod.

**They let Harry out to use the bathroom morning and evening.**

**Otherwise, he was locked in his room around the clock.**

**Three days later, the Dursleys were showing no sign of relenting, and Harry couldn't see any way out of his situation. He lay on his bed watching the sun sinking behind the bars on the window and wondered miserably what was going to happen to him.**

**What was the good of magicking himself out of his room if Hogwarts would expel him for doing it? Yet life at Privet Drive had reached an all-time low. Now that the Dursleys knew they weren't going top wake up as fruit bats, he had lost his only weapon. Dobby might have saved Harry from the horrible happenings at Hogwarts, but the way things were going, he'd probably starve to death anyway.**

**The cat-flap rattled and Aunt Petunia's hand appeared, pushing a bowl of canned soup into the room. Harry, whose insides were aching with hunger, jumped off his bed and seized it. The soup was stone-cold, but he drank half of it in one he crossed the room to Hedwig's cage and tipped the soggy vegetables at the bottom of the bowl into her empty food tray. She ruffled her feathers and gave him a look of deep disgust.**

"**It's no good turning your beak up at it—that's all we've got," said Harry grimly.**

**He put the empty bowl back on the floor next to the cat-flap and lay back down on the bed, somehow even hungrier than he had been before the soup.**

**The room was growing dark. Exhausted, stomach rumbling, mind spinning over the same unanswerable questions, Harry fell into an uneasy sleep.**

**He dreamed that he was on show in a zoo, with a card reading UNDERAGE WIZARD attached to his cage. People goggled through the bars at him as he lay, starving and weak, on a bed of straw. He saw Dobby's face in the crowd and shouted out, asking for help, but Dobby called, "Harry Potter is safe there, sir!" and vanished. Then the Dursleys appeared and Dudley rattled the bars of the cage, laughing at him.**

"**Stop it," Harry muttered as the rattling pounded in his sore head. "Leave me alone…cut it out…I'm trying sleep…"**

"You have weird dreams Potter."

"You want to know what's weird? I ususally forget them. How does Rowling know them?"

**He opened his eyes. Moonlight was shining through the bars on the window. And someone was goggling through the bars at him: a freckle-faced, red-haired, long-nosed someone.**

**Ron Weasley was outside Harry's window.**

"And that is the end of that chapter," Fred announces.

"About time I showed up in it," Ron grumbled. "And I want to read next."

_____________________And Into The Future___________________________

_The witch snorts. "I want to read... How like Ron."_

"Hey don't bad mouth him," the wizard teases.

_She chuckles and takes a drink from her cup, watching the bickering going on between Ron and Hermione in the time hole. _

_BOOM!_

_"Everyone down!" _

_The witch and wizard throw themselves to the ground, looking up briefly to notice that the time hole is still in tact as the explosion makes the walls shake. Voices are yelling, jets of light coming out of wands._

_A door slams open._

_"Stay in here," the wizard barks to the two of them, and then slams the door shut._

_"Fantastic," the witch mutters. _

* * *

**Reviews please! Working on the next chapter. **


	5. Chapter 5: Ron's Turn To Read

_**Author's Note: first the disclaimer: I own nothing. I do not own HP or JK Rowling. Do not sue me. I have no money. In later chapters also, Minerva and Severus will be drinking when Lockhart comes up. If this offends, don't read any more. thank you.**_

_**Second item: I apologize for the long delays. I have a job, where i work tuesday to saturday, 11:30 am to 9 pm. I am pretty much wiped when i get home and I only get a little writing done before I'm pretty much out for the count and need to go to bed. I will try to be better with the next chapters though. **_

_**To the reviewers so far: Thank you so much for sticking with me, despite the numerous take downs, revisions, etc, etc. **_

_**sithmaster626: I left out Luna, because in the original fic, I was having trouble including her, and I had to constantly go back through the chapters and add her in. So I decided to simply leave her out of this one. I may bring her in for the third book. **_

_**Mira: I am sorry for my delays in putting this up, and I realize it is going slow. I hope you continue to have patience with me. **_

_**NathanDftba: Glad you're still enjoying it. **_

_**KKool: Glad you are enjoying this as well. The identities of all the future people will be revealed as the stories go on. **_

_**And thanks to CrayonsPink,B00kw0rm92, LilyLunaEtheline,Pinkbismuth , Kathryn Marie Black, shiftyless, and trachie17. **_

_**I'm glad you are all still here with me and that you are enjoying the fics. **_

_**Love the reviews and please keep them coming.**_

_**Again warning: Alcohol consumption by adults will be present when Lockhart is mentioned. If you find this offensive, do not read this please.**_

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"_Hey cool," Ron says happily as he takes the book. "Guess it's a good thing it's my turn to read."

Draco who is feeling very bored at the moment, looks at him. "Oh?"

"It's about us."

"You mean there's a WHOLE chapter on your family?"

George grins. "Yup."

Draco groans. "Someone, stun me now."

"And while that request is being made please stun me as well," Severus adds.

"No," Minerva says firmly before the Weasleys, Hermione, Remus and Harry could say anything. "If I have to suffer being locked up in this room with you Severus Snape, then you have to suffer through hearing the entire book out."

Remus chuckles softly to himself.

"I'm in pain," Draco moanss setting his head down on the desk.

"You suck at acting, Malfoy."

"Shut it, Weasel."

"I feel ill just hearing about your family, so guess it's fair turnaround eh?"

Everyone swears they hear a growl from Draco.

"Mr Weasley," Minerva says firmly. "Read. Now."

Ron gulps at the stare from the Professor, and turns his attention to the book.

**"Chapter Three: The Burow"**

Draco moans again, only to yelp when someone kicks him in the shin.

**"Ron." breathed Harry, creeping to the window and pushing it up so they could talk through the bars. "Ron, how did you - What the -." Harry's mouth fell open as the full impact of what he was seeing hit him. Ron was leaning out of the back window of an old turquoise car,**

"The car," Minerva mutters.

**which was parked in midair Grinning at Harry from the front seats were Fred and George, Ron's elder twin brothers.**

"All right, we're mentioned!"

"Bully for you."

"Awww, Snapey, you know you miss us."

Severus Snape growls at the twins but they just grin in return.

**"All right, Harry?" asked George.**

**"What's been going on." said Ron. "Why haven't you been answering my letters. I've asked you to stay about twelve times, and then Dad came home and said you'd got an official warning for using magic in front of Muggles -" **

**"It wasn't me - and how did he know." **

**"He works for the Ministry," said Ron. "You know we're not supposed to do spells outside school -" **

"BLAME THE RUDDY HOUSE ELF!"

**"You should talk," said Harry, staring at the floating car.**

"Yes, Weasley, you should _talk."_

"Stuff it Malfoy," Harry growls

**"Oh, this doesn't count," said Ron. "We're only borrowing this. It's Dad's, we didn't enchant it. But doing magic in front of those Muggles you live with -" **

**"I told you, I didn't - but it'll take too long to explain now look, can you tell them at Hogwarts that the Dursleys have locked me up and won't let me come back, and obviously I can't magic myself out, because the Ministry'Il think that's the second spell I've done in three days, so -"**

"You're really dumb sometimes Harry," Fred says casually.

"What did you think we were there for? Just to chat?"

"I was half starved," Harry says defensively. "Wasn't thinking clearly.

"Hmmmm..."

"What is it now Severus?"

"It explains something."

Remus looks from Minerva to Severus then back to Minerva as she stares at Severus, who is now giving an odd look to Harry. "What?"

"Why every year you come back after summer holidays we have to prevent Madame Pompfrey from forcibly taking you into the hospital wing and shoving potions down your throat to help you gain weight."

Harry looks surprised and turns to McGonagall. "Really?

"Yes."

"Also gives a clear reason why you eat like a heathen and wolf down your food," Draco drawls.

"I didn't think you cared," Harry says sarcastically.

"I _don't _Potter. I only noticed because we're enemies."

"And we only noticed because we love you," Hermione adds, making Harry blush and Draco gag.

**"Stop gibbering," said Ron. "We've come to take you home with us." **

**"But you can't magic me out either -"**

**"We don't need to," said Ron, jerking his head toward the front seat and grinning. "You forget who I've got with me." **

**"Tie that around the bars," said Fred, throwing the end of a rope to Harry.**

**"If the Dursleys wake up, I'm dead," said Harry as he tied the rope tightly around a bar and Fred revved up the car.**

**"Don't worry," said Fred, "and stand back." Harry moved back into the shadows next to Hedwig, who seemed to have realized how important this was and kept still and silent. The car revved louder and louder and suddenly, with a crunching noise, the bars were pulled clean out of the window as Fred drove straight up in the air. Harry ran back to the window to see the bars dangling a few feet above the ground. Panting, Ron hoisted them up into the car.**

**Harry listened anxiously, but there was no sound from the Dursleys' bedroom.**

"Again, mentioned. Another plot point?"

"Malfoy?"

"Yes?"

"...Never mind." Ron turns to Harry and says in a low whisper that only Harry can hear. "How can he see minor plot points, but when it comes to recognizing his own house elf, he's as blind as a bat?"

"Because this is Malfoy."

**When the bars were safely in the back seat with Ron, Fred reversed as close as possible to Harry's window.**

**"Get in," Ron said.**

**"But all my Hogwarts stuff - my wand - my broomstick -" **

"Very important."

"James would be horrified," Remus says softly to himself.

"There are plenty things in here that your beloved Potter would be horrified with," Snape sneers.

"Get over it, Severus."

"No, Minerva."

"Of course not, you won't. You're just as stubborn as Potter's father was then."

Snape turns pasty green at the thought of sharing another thing in common with James Potter making the Weasley's snort in amusement.

**"Where is it?" **

**"Locked in the cupboard under the stairs, and I can't get out of this room -" **

**"No problem," said George from the front passenger seat. "Out of the way, Harry." Fred and George climbed catlike through the window into Harry's room. You had to hand it to them, thought Harry, as George took an ordinary hairpin from his pocket and started to pick the lock.**

"Muggle trick?"

"Very important Muggle trick, Malfoy."

"Anything that equates Muggles with important is very doubtful to me."

**"A lot of wizards think it's a waste of time, knowing this sort of Muggle trick," said Fred, **

"Yes."

"Again, shut it Malfoy."

"Free country, don't have to."

"Mixing England up with the States, Ferret."

"It's mostly Muggle criminals that have those skills," Remus points out.

"Which these two practically are."

"Thanks!"

**"but we feel they're skills worth learning, even if they are a bit slow."**

**There was a small click and the door swung open.**

**"So - we'll get your trunk - you grab anything you need from your room and hand it out to Ron," whispered George.**

**"Watch out for the bottom stair - it creaks," Harry whispered back as the twins disappeared onto the dark landing.**

"That was good of you. Fred almost hit it."

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Did not!"

"You did, Fred."

"I did NOT."

"Did."

"Didn't."

"Did."

"Didn't."

"Enough before I mute the both of you!" Hermione explodes seconds before Minerva was about to.

**Harry dashed around his room, collecting his things and passing them out of the window to Ron. Then he went to help Fred and George heave his trunk up the stairs. Harry heard Uncle Vernon cough.**

**At last, panting, they reached the landing, then carried the trunk through Harry's room to the open window. Fred climbed back into the car to pull with Ron, and Harry and George pushed from the bedroom side. Inch by inch, the trunk slid through the window.**

**Uncle Vernon coughed again.**

"I'm bored."

"You hear something Harry?"

"No. You, Ron?"

"No... George? Fred?"

"Nope. Didn't hear a blessed thing."

"Ha ha."

"What is that?"

"Sounds like a ferret to me."

Silence.

**"A bit more," panted Fred, who was pulling from inside the car.**

**"One good push -" Harry and George threw their shoulders against the trunk and it slid out of the window into the back seat of the car.**

**"Okay, let's go," George whispered.**

"Forgot something Potter?" Severus asks casually.

Harry turns red.

**But as Harry climbed onto the windowsill there came a sudden loud screech from behind him, followed immediately by the thunder of Uncle Vernon's voice.**

**"THAT RUDDY OWL!" **

"Ah it seems you did."

**"I've forgotten Hedwig!" Harry tore back across the room as the landing light clicked on - he snatched up Hedwig's cage, dashed to the window, and passed it out to Ron. He was scrambling back onto the chest of drawers when Uncle Vernon hammered on the unlocked door and it crashed open.**

**For a split second, Uncle Vernon stood framed in the doorway; then he let out a bellow like an angry bull and dived at Harry, grabbing him by the ankle.**

**Ron, Fred, and George seized Harry's arms and pulled as hard as they could.**

**"Petunia!" roared Uncle Vernon. "He's getting away! HE'S GETTING AWAY!"**

"Excellent observation skills there," George says snickering.

"He sounds like my father when I was able to get out of my confinment during the full moon once. At least that's what I was told..."

**But the Weasleys gave a gigantic tug and Harry's leg slid out of Uncle Vernon's grasp - Harry was in the car - he'd slammed the door shut "Put your foot down, Fred!" yelled Ron, and the car shot suddenly toward the moon.**

"Wasn't a full moon."

**Harry couldn't believe it - he was free. He rolled down the window, the night air whipping his hair, and looked back at the shrinking rooftops of Privet Drive. Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia, and Dudley were all hanging, dumbstruck, out of Harry's window.**

**"See you next summer!" Harry yelled.**

**The Weasleys roared with laughter and Harry settled back in his seat, grinning from ear to ear.**

**"Let Hedwig out," he told Ron. "She can fly behind us. She hasn't had a chance to stretch her wings for ages." George handed the hairpin to Ron and, a moment later, Hedwig soared joyfully out of the window to glide alongside them like a ghost.**

**"So - what's the story, Harry." said Ron impatiently. "What's been happening?" Harry told them all about Dobby, the warning he'd given Harry and the fiasco of the violet pudding. There was a long, shocked silence when he had finished.**

**"Very fishy," said Fred finally.**

**"Definitely dodgy" agreed George. "So he wouldn't even tell you who's supposed to be plotting all this stuff." **

"He tried Weasley."

"You know, I'm going with Ron. Stuff it."

**"I don't think he could," said Harry. "I told you, every time he got close to letting something slip, he started banging his head against the wall." He saw Fred and George look at each other.**

**"What, you think he was lying to me." said Harry.**

**"Well," said Fred, "put it this way - house-elves have got powerful magic of their own, but they can't usually use it without their master's permission. I reckon old Dobby was sent to stop you com ing back to Hogwarts. Someone's idea of a joke. Can you think of anyone at school with a grudge against you." **

**"Yes," said Harry and Ron together, instantly.**

**"Draco Malfoy," Harry explained. "He hates me." **

"I wouldn't use a house elf to do that," Draco mutters. "They'd botch it up, their useless."

Ron and Harry instantly grab Hermione's arms and force her to sit in her seat, before she ended up strangling Malfoy.

**"Draco Malfoy." said George, turning around. "Not Lucius Malfoy's son." **

**"Must be, it's not a very common name, is it." said Harry.**

**"I've heard Dad talking about him," said George. "He was a big supporter of You-Know-Who." **

Draco sighs. "It never stops."

"Because it's true."**  
**

**"And when You-Know-Who disappeared," said Fred, craning around to look at Harry, "Lucius Malfoy came back saying he'd never meant any of it. Load of dung - Dad reckons he was right in You- Know-Who's inner circle." **

**Harry had heard these rumors about Malfoy's family before, and they didn't surprise him at all. Malfoy made Dudley Dursley look like a kind, thoughtful, and sensitive boy.**

"That's possible?"

"Thanks Potter."

"It wasn't a compliment."

"I'll still take it." Draco shrugs. "But at least I'm not fat. That is one thing a Malfoy is not."

"You know, if you keep going on about what a Malfoy is, or isn't, I'm turning you into a ferret," Harry threatens.

"I remember eating a ferret once," Remus muses. "Accident of course. Came into the shrieking shack."

Draco pales, as the Weasley's snicker.

**"I don't know whether the Malfoys own a house-elf," said Harry.**

"We had four."

"Four?" Hermione growls, and Harry and Ron grab her arms again.

"Yes... we have three now though. We lost one. Not sure how. Father was furious though."

"I bet," Harry mutters.

**"Well, whoever owns him will be an old wizarding family, and they'll be rich," said Fred.**

**"Yeah, Mum's always wishing we had a house-elf to do the ironing," said George. "But all we've got is a lousy old ghoul in the attic and gnomes all over the garden. House-elves come with big old manors and castles and places like that; you wouldn't catch one in our house. . ." **

**Harry was silent. Judging by the fact that Draco Malfoy usually had the best of everything, his family was rolling in wizard gold; he could just see Malfoy strutting around a large manor house. Sending the family servant to stop Harry from going back to Hogwarts also sounded exactly like the sort of thing Malfoy would do. **

**Had Harry been stupid to take Dobby seriously?**

"Considering what happened, no."

**"I'm glad we came to get you, anyway," said Ron. "I was getting really worried when you didn't answer any of my letters. I thought it was Errol's fault at first -" **

**"Who's Errol?" **

**"Our owl. He's ancient. It wouldn't be the first time he'd collapsed on a delivery. So then I tried to borrow Hermes -" **

**"Who?" **

**"The owl Mum and Dad bought Percy when he was made prefect," said Fred from the front.**

**"But Percy wouldn't lend him to me," said Ron. "Said he needed him." **

**"Percy's been acting very oddly this summer," said George, frowning. "And he has been sending a lot of letters and spending a load of time shut up in his room .... I mean, there's only so many times you can polish a prefect badge .... You're driving too far west, Fred," he added, pointing at a compass on the dashboard. Fred twiddled the steering wheel.**

**"So, does your dad know you've got the car." said Harry, guessing the answer.**

**"Er, no," said Ron, "he had to work tonight. Hopefully we'll be able to get it back in the garage without Mum noticing we flew it." **

"Doubtful, Mr Weasley."

"Mother's notice everything," Remus adds.

"Or ignore everything," Severus adds under his breath, only heard by Remus.

**"What does your dad do at the Ministry of Magic, anyway." "He works in the most boring department," said Ron. "The Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office." **

**"The what?" **

**"It's all to do with bewitching things that are Muggle-made, you know, in case they end up back in a Muggle shop or house. Like, last year, some old witch died and her tea set was sold to an antiques shop. This Muggle woman bought it, took it home, and tried to serve her friends tea in it. It was a nightmare - Dad was working overtime for weeks." **

**"What happened?" **

**"The teapot went berserk and squirted boiling tea all over the place and one man ended up in the hospital with the sugar tongs clamped to his nose. Dad was going frantic - it's only him and an old warlock called Perkins in the office -and they had to do Memory Charms and all sorts of stuff to cover it up -" **

"That's actually kind of funny."

"You would think that."

**"But your dad - this car -"**

**Fred laughed. "Yeah, Dad's crazy about everything to do with Muggles; our shed's full of Muggle stuff. He takes it apart, puts spells on it, and puts it back together again. If he raided our house he'd have to put himself under arrest. It drives Mum mad." **

**"That's the main road," said George, peering down through the windshield. "We'll be there in ten minutes .... Just as well, it's getting light . . . ." A faint pinkish glow was visible along the horizon to the east.**

**Fred brought the car lower, and Harry saw a dark patchwork of fields and clumps of trees.**

**"We're a little way outside the village," said George. "Ottery St. Catchpole." Lower and lower went the flying car. The edge of a brilliant red sun was now gleaming through the trees.**

**"Touchdown!" said Fred as, with a slight bump, they hit the ground.**

**They had landed next to a tumbledown garage in a small yard, and Harry looked out for the first time at Ron's house.**

**It looked as though it had once been a large stone pigpen, but extra rooms had been added here and there until it was several stories high and so crooked it looked as though it were held up by magic (which, Harry reminded himself, it probably was). Four or five chimneys were perched on top of the red roof. A lopsided sign stuck in the ground near the entrance read, THE BuRRow. Around the front door lay a jumble of rubber boots and a very rusty cauldron. Several fat brown chickens were pecking their way around the yard.**

**"It's not much," said Ron.**

**"It's wonderful," said Harry happily, thinking of Privet Drive.**

"Compared to Privet Drive--" Draco starts to trail off.

"Don't you dare insult my home Malfoy."

"Would you like to be turned into a ferret Malfoy? That hasn't been done to you in a while..." Fred suggests in a low tone...

"Because you know," George adds, "if you are rather misssing the feeling, we will."

"You know, maybe it was two ferrets I ate..."

"I'll shut up."

"Won't last long," Minerva says to Snape who smirks.

"I know."

**They got out of the car.**

"Such riveting descriptions."

**"Now, we'll go upstairs really quietly," said Fred, "and wait for Mum to call us for breakfast Then, Ron, you come bounding downstairs going, `Mum, look who turned up in the night!' and she'll be all pleased to see Harry and no one need ever know we flew the car."**

**"Right," said Ron. "Come on, Harry, I sleep at the - at the top Ron had gone a nasty greenish color, his eyes fixed on the house. The other three wheeled around.**

**Mrs. Weasley was marching across the yard, scattering chickens, and for a short, plump, kind-faced woman, it was remarkable how much she looked like a saber-toothed tiger.**

"She resembles--"

"FINISH THAT SENTENCE! I DARE YOU!!"

"Ron, calm down and continue reading the book!"

**"Ah, "said Fred.**

**"Oh, dear," said George.**

**Mrs. Weasley came to a halt in front of them, her hands on her hips, staring from one guilty face to the next. She was wearing a flowered apron with a wand sticking out of the pocket.**

**"So, "she said.**

**"Morning, Mum," said George, in what he clearly thought was a jaunty, winning voice.**

"It wasn't."

"Figured that out seconds later."

**"Have you any idea how worried I've been." said Mrs. Weasley in a deadly whisper.**

"Shouts are generally followed by whispers," Remus says knowingly. "My mother tended to do that when I escaped..."

**"Sorry, Mum, but see, we had to -" All three of Mrs. Weasley's sons were taller than she was, but they cowered as her rage broke over them.**

**"Beds empty! No note! Cargone - could have crashed - out of my mind with worry - did you care. - never, as long as I've lived - you wait until your father gets home, we never had trouble like this from Bill or Charlie or Percy -" **

**"Perfect Percy," muttered Fred.**

**"YOU COULD DO WITH TAKING A LEAF OUT OF PERCY'S BOOK!" yelled Mrs. Weasley, prodding a finger in Fred's chest. "You could have died, you could have been seen, you could have lost your father his job -" It seemed to go on for hours. Mrs. Weasley had shouted herself hoarse before she turned on Harry, who backed away.**

Everyone snickers.

Harry shrugs. "Well, she is scary."

"Got that dead on, mate."

**"I'm very pleased to see you, Harry, dear," she said. "Come in and have some breakfast." She turned and walked back into the house and Harry, after a nervous glance at Ron, who nodded encouragingly, followed her.**

Remus blinks. "That was a swift change of moods."

"That's Mum for you."

**The kitchen was small and rather cramped. There was a scrubbed wooden table and chairs in the middle, and Harry sat down on the edge of his seat, looking around. He had never been in a wizard house before.**

**The clock on the wall opposite him had only one hand and no numbers at all. Written around the edge were things like Time to make tea, Time to feed the chickens, and You're late. Books were stacked three deep on the mantelpiece, books with titles like Charm Your Own Cheese, Enchantment in Baking, and One Minute Feasts - It's Magic! And unless Harry's ears were deceiving him, the old radio next to the sink had just announced that coming up was "Witching Hour, with the popular singing sorceress, Celestina Warbeck." **

"She was in my year," Remus comments.

"Her singing was atrocious," Snape sneers. "How she became popular is beyond me."

"Anything to do with popularity is beyond you," Minerva says dryly.

**Mrs. Weasley was clattering around, cooking breakfast a little haphazardly, throwing dirty looks at her sons as she threw sausages into the frying pan. Every now and then she muttered things like "don't know what you were thinking of," and "never would have believed it."**

**"I don't blame you, dear," she assured Harry, tipping eight or nine sausages onto his plate. **

"That's a lot of food."

"I ate it all."

"Not surprised."

**"Arthur and I have been worried about you, too. Just last night we were saying we'd come and get you ourselves if you hadn't written back to Ron by Friday. But really," (she was now adding three fried eggs to his plate) "flying an illegal car halfway across the country - anyone could have seen you -" She flicked her wand casually at the dishes in the sink, which began to clean themselves, clinking gently in the background.**

**"It was cloudy, Mum!" said Fred.**

**"You keep your mouth closed while you're eating!" Mrs. Weasley snapped.**

**"They were starving him, Mum!" said George.**

**"And you!" said Mrs. Weasley, but it was with a slightly softened expression that she started cutting Harry bread and buttering it for him. **

**At that moment there was a diversion in the form of a small, redheaded figure in a long nightdress, who appeared in the kitchen, gave a small squeal, and ran out again.**

**"Ginny," said Ron in an undertone to Harry. "My sister. She's been talking about you all summer." **

"Potter's got a girlfriend... Potter's got a girlfriend..."

Harry scowls. "What are you, like eight years old?"

"No."

"Then get some better insults."

"Please," Severus adds. "My ears were about to bleed from that one."

**"Yeah, she'll be wanting your autograph, Harry," Fred said with a grin, but he caught his mother's eye and bent his face over his plate without another word. Nothing more was said until all four plates were clean, which took a surprisingly short time.**

**"Blimey, I'm tired," yawned Fred, setting down his knife and fork at last. "I think I'll go to bed and -" **

"That won't work."

"Can't blame a guy for trying."

**"You will not," snapped Mrs. Weasley. "It's your own fault you've been up all night. You're going to de-gnome the garden for me; they're getting completely out of hand again -" **

**"Oh, Mum -" **

**"And you two," she said, glaring at Ron and Fred. "You can go up to bed, dear," she added to Harry. "You didn't ask them to fly that wretched car -"**

**But Harry, who felt wide awake, said quickly, "I'll help Ron. I've never seen a de-gnoming-"**

**"That's very sweet of you, dear, but it's dull work," said Mrs. Weasley.**

**"Now, let's see what Lockhart's got to say on the subject -" And she pulled a heavy book from the stack on the mantelpiece.**

Every adult moans.

"Lockhart," Minerva says in a low whisper. "Not him... noooo."

"I almost forgot he was in this book..." Severus says just as pained.

"Why would he know anything?" Remus asks bewildered.

**George groaned.**

**"Mum, we know how to de-gnome a garden -" Harry looked at the cover of Mrs. Weasley's book. Written across it in fancy gold letters were the words **_**Gilderoy Lockhart's Guide to Household Pests**_**.**

"He wrote a book?" Remus asks, looking as pale as Severus.

"Yes...."

"When did get the time to do so? He was always so busy preening..."

"He published more than one," Fred points out.

Remus shakes his head. "HOW?"

"No one knows."

"But I for one am not interested in solving that mystery," Harry says firmly. "I've had enough of Lockhart to last me a very long time."

"More like forever," Severus and Minerva say at the same time

**There was a big photograph on the front of a very good looking wizard with wavy blond hair and bright blue eyes. As always in the wizarding world, the photograph was moving; the wizard, who Harry supposed was Gilderoy Lockhart, kept winking cheekily up at them all. Mrs. Weasley beamed down at him.**

**"Oh, he is marvelous," she said. "He knows his household pests, all right, it's a wonderful book . . . ."**

**"Mum fancies him," said Fred, in a very audible whisper.**

"No idea why she would."

"She wasn't the only one that fancied him," Ron says with a growl.

Hermione turns red and slumps down in her chair, as if trying to hide.

Draco sees this and raises an eyebrow. "What is wrong with you Granger?"

"Nothing!"

Ron and Harry both crack identical grins so eerily similar to George and Fred, that it makes Minerva's eyes widen.

"The girls fancied him in school too. Although, not as much as a few others."

George perks up at this. "How do you know this?"

"A group of Ravenclaw girls, sixth years, wrote up a list of the most desirable wizards in the school and posted it to the Great Hall doors."

"Can we get on with this chapter?"

"What's the matter Severus?" Remus asks tauntingly, rare for him. "Upset you weren't put on the list?"

Snape snarls at him and McGonagall turns to Ron.

"Finish before they hex each other."

**"Don't be so ridiculous, Fred," said Mrs. Weasley, her cheeks rather pink. "All right, if you think you know better than Lockhart, you can go and get on with it, and woe betide you if there's a single gnome in that garden when I come out to inspect it." Yawning and grumbling, the Weasleys slouched outside with Harry behind them. The garden was large, and in Harry's eyes, exactlY what a garden should be. The Dursleys wouldn't have liked it - there were plenty of weeds, and the grass needed cutting but there were gnarled trees all around the walls, plants Harry had never seen spilling from every flower bed, and a big green pond full of frogs.**

**"Muggles have garden gnomes, too, you know," Harry told Ron they crossed the lawn.**

**"Yeah, I've seen those things they think are gnomes," said Ron, bent double with his head in a peony bush, "like fat little Santa Clauses with fishing rods . . . ." There was a violent scuffling noise, the peony bush shuddered, and Ron straightened up. "This is a gnome," he said grimly.**

**"Gerroff me! Gerroff me!" squealed the gnome.**

"At least _we _don't have gnomes," Draco drawls.

"Think your special because of that?"

"I don't think--"

"That's obvious," Fred mutters.

"I _know_ Potter."

"Well, at least you know something at least."

**It was certainly nothing like Santa Claus. It was small and leathery looking, with a large, knobby, bald head exactly like a potato. Ron held it at arm's length as it kicked out at him with its horny little feet; he grasped it around the ankles and turned it upside down.**

**"This is what you have to do," he said. He raised the gnome above his head ("Gerroff me!") and started to swing it in great circles like a lasso. Seeing the shocked look on Harry's face, Ron added, "It doesn't hurt them - you've just got to make them really dizzy so they can't find their way back to the gnomeholes." He let go of the gnome's ankles: It flew twenty feet into the air and landed with a thud in the field over the hedge.**

"I once threw a gnome fifty feet," Minerva says, a smile almost threatening to form.

"Really?"

"Not easy to do."

"Of course."

**"Pitiful," said Fred. "I bet I can get mine beyond that stump." Harry learned quickly not to feel too sorry for the gnomes. He decided just to drop the first one he caught over the hedge, but the gnome, sensing weakness, sank its razor-sharp teeth into Harry's finger and he had a hard job shaking it off - until "Wow, Harry - that must've been fifty feet ......"  
**  
"Hmmm," Minerva purses her lips as the twins snicker.

**The air was soon thick with flying gnomes.**

**"See, they're not too bright," said George, seizing five or six gnomes at once. "The moment they know the de-gnoming's going on they storm up to have a look. You'd think they'd have learned by now just to stay put." Soon, the crowd of gnomes in the field started walking away in a straggling line, their little shoulders hunched.**

**"They'll be back," said Ron as they watched the gnomes disappear into the hedge on the other side of the field. "They love it here .... Dad's too soft with them; he thinks they're funny . . . ." Just then, the front door slammed.**

**"He's back!" said George. "Dad's home!" They hurried through the garden and back into the house.**

**Mr. Weasley was slumped in a kitchen chair with his glasses off and his eyes closed. He was a thin man, going bald, but the little hair he had was as red as any of his children's. He was wearing long green robes, which were dusty and travel-worn.**

**"What a night," he mumbled, groping for the teapot as they all sat down around him. "Nine raids. Nine! And old Mundungus Fletcher tried to put a hex on me when I had my back turned ......"**

"He practiced that a lot in school."

"He went to Hogwarts with you? What year?"

"He was in his fourth year when I got there," Severus answers.

"He was all right for a Slytherin."

Dead silence.

"He was a Slytherin?"

"Er...yes."

George turns to Fred. "Well that explains a lot."

"Indeed."

**Mr. Weasley took a long gulp of tea and sighed.**

**"Find anything, Dad." said Fred eagerly.**

**"All I got were a few shrinking door keys and a biting kettle," yawned Mr. Weasley. "There was some pretty nasty stuff that wasn't my department, though. Mortlake was taken away for questioning about some extremely odd ferrets, but that's the Committee on Experimental Charms, thank goodness..."**

"Look Malfoy, you were mentioned!"

"Shut it."

"Maybe it was three ferrets..."

**"Why would anyone bother making door keys shrink?" said George.**

**"Just Muggle-baiting," sighed Mr. Weasley. "Sell them a key that keeps shrinking to nothing so they can never find it when they need it .... Of course, it's very hard to convict anyone because no Muggle would admit their key keeps shrinking - they'll insist they just keep losing it. Bless them, they'll go to any lengths to ignore magic, even if it's staring them in the face .... But the things our lot have taken to enchanting, you wouldn't believe -" **

"Like cars for instance?" Severus asks lightly. "I imagine this will get your mother's temper up."

**"LIKE CARS, FOR INSTANCE." Mrs. Weasley had appeared, holding a long poker like a sword. Mr. Weasley's eyes jerked open. He stared guiltily at his wife.**

**"C-cars, Molly, dear?" **

**"Yes, Arthur, cars," said Mrs. Weasley, her eyes flashing. "Imagine a wizard buying a rusty old car and telling his wife all he wanted to do with it was take it apart to see how it worked, while really he was enchanting it to make it **_**fly**_**." **

Remus smiles. "Now I see where the you two boys get it from."

"Dad of course. He was quite the prankster in school."

"Excellent. Too bad he wasn't there when James and the rest of us were there. Sirius was always complaining that we were one prankster short. You need four to make good pranks

"Where were you?" Harry asks.

"I thought them up. They did them. So technically I was there. I just was not present during their execution."

"Did you think up ALL of them?" Severus asks shrewdly.

"No Severus," Remus says quietly. "I did try to talk them out of the ones on you. And I had no knowledge of that specific one. You know that."

"This is getting tiresome," Minerva says flatly. "Put the grudges aside. You two are here for a reason, if our visitors are anything to go by."

Fred fidgets. "Uh, this is getting a bit serious. Can we change the mood somewhat?"

George perks up. " I got an idea." He whips his wand out and points it at Malfoy. Pop! He's now a ferret.

(And of course there is a bit of chaos, as both Professors realize they can't take points from someone who is not in school, so while Fred and George are being chased by an irate Potions Master, Harry, Ron and Hermione are laughing there heads off while Minerva looks slightly amused. Remus just looks like he's trying very heard not to laugh. After a few minutes, Minerva herself takes out her wand and turns Malfoy back. Fred and George are chased back into their seats and an out of breath Potions Master collapses in his chair. Malfoy just looks... irritated.)

Ron, while trying to speak through laughing, "Shall... I... continue?"

Minerva's lips twitch. "Stop laughing first."

"Please," Draco says sourly.

**Mr. Weasley blinked.**

**"Well, dear, I think you'll find that he would be quite within the law to do that, even if - er - he maybe would have done better to, um, tell his wife the truth .... There's a loophole in the law, you'll find .... As long as he wasn't intending to fly the car, the fact that the car could fly wouldn't -" **

**"Arthur Weasley, you made sure there was a loophole when you wrote that law!" shouted Mrs. Weasley. "Just so you could carry on tinkering with all that Muggle rubbish in your shed! And for your information, Harry arrived this morning in the car you weren't intending to fly!" **

**"Harry." said Mr. Weasley blankly. "Harry who?"**

Everyone snickers.

**He looked around, saw Harry, and jumped.**

**"Good lord, is it Harry Potter?**

"No. It's an impostor. He's here to kill you all."

**Very pleased to meet you, Ron's told us so much about -" **

**"Your sons flew that car to Harry's house and back last night." shouted Mrs. Weasley. "What have you got to say about that, eh." **

**"Did you really." said Mr. Weasley eagerly. "Did it go all right. I - I mean," he faltered as sparks flew from Mrs. Weasley's eyes, "that - that was very wrong, boys - very wrong indeed ......"**

All the Weasley's grin.

**"Let's leave them to it," Ron muttered to Harry as Mrs. Weasley swelled like a bullfrog. "Come on, I'll show you my bedroom." They slipped out of the kitchen and down a narrow passageway to an uneven staircase, which wound its way, zigzagging up through the house. On the third landing, a door stood ajar. Harry just caught sight of a pair of bright brown eyes staring at him before it closed with a snap.**

Draco opens his mouth to say something but McGonagall glares at him and he wisely shuts up.

**"Ginny," said Ron. "You don't know how weird it is for her to be this shy. She never shuts up normally -" They climbed two more flights until they reached a door with peeling paint and a small plaque on it, saying RONALD'S ROOM.**

**Harry stepped in, his head almost touching the sloping ceiling, and blinked. It was like walking into a furnace: Nearly everything in Ron's room seemed to be a violent shade of orange: the bedspread, the walls, even the ceiling. Then Harry realized that Ron had covered nearly every inch of the shabby wallpaper with posters of the same seven witches and wizards, all wearing bright orange robes, carrying broomsticks, and waving energetically.**

Draco bursts out laughing as Ron turns red.

"You like..." he gasps, "you like the Cannons! Weasley their the worst team in the league! It figures!"

"Mr Malfoy if you do not keep quiet, I will ignore the sight of Mr Potter and Ms Granger letting go of Mr Weasley."

"Truth be told, James would be horrified," Remus says smiling. "His son's best friend supporting one of the worst teams..."

**"Your Quidditch team." said Harry.**

**"The Chudley Cannons," said Ron, pointing at the orange bedspread, which was emblazoned with two giant black C's and a speeding cannonball. "Ninth in the league." **

"Ah.. so they moved up."

"Won't be there for long."

"Never are."

**Ron's school spellbooks were stacked untidily in a corner, next to a pile of comics that all seemed to feature The Adventures of Martin Miggs, the Mad Muggle. Ron's magic wand was lying on top of a fish tank full of frog spawn on the windowsill, next to his fat gray rat, Scabbers, who was snoozing in a patch of sun.**

"Scabbers..." Ron growls.

"What is your problem now Weasley?"

"Besides the many he already has?"

**Harry stepped over a pack of Self-Shuffling playing cards on the floor and looked out of the tiny window. In the field far below he could see a gang of gnomes sneaking one by one back through the Weasleys' hedge. Then he turned to look at Ron, who was watching him almost nervously, as though waiting for his opinion.**

**"It's a bit small," said Ron quickly. "Not like that room you had with the Muggles. And I'm right underneath the ghoul in the attic; he's always banging on the pipes and groaning...**

**But Harry, grinning widely, said, "This is the best house I've ever been in." Ron's ears went pink. **

"And that's the end of that chapter. Your next Harry."

"Joy."

"What's wrong with reading?" Draco pauses. "Did I ask that?"

"I don't like reading about myself," Harry grumbles.

"I don't mind when it's about me."

"Then you're going to love this book, Malfoy."

"Why?"

Ron,Harry and Hermione grin.

"You'll see," they echo.

* * *

**Author's Note: Okay everyone, there you are. Next chapter is being worked on. Let me know what you think! Reviews please! **


	6. Harry Reads Flourish And Blotts

**Author's Note:**

**I am so sorry. Very sorry. Extremely sorry. This is how sorry I am:**

**Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. . Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. **

**I would type more Sorry's, but I hope you all get the picture.**

**I simply lost interest in writing for a while, and when I was about to get back into writing, life pretty much said "Hey, guess what? I'm going to dump a heap of stuff on your lap. Enjoy!"**

**So anyway, this is the newest chapter. I like to thank everyone for still reading my fics. I won't be updating every day, but I'll at least try to update once a week. **

**Disclaimer: This story is not mine. It belongs to JK Rowling. I am merely using this for entertainment purposes and for no monetary value. Do not sue. I have no money. **

"Okay here ya go, Harry," Ron hands the book over to Harry so he can read the next chapter.

Harry takes the book, and then looks at the chapter and sighs.** "Chapter four," **he says in a quiet tone. **"Flourish and Blotts." **

"What a boring title," Draco drawls. "What could possibly happen at that book shop?"

Harry, Ron, Hermione all stare at Draco.

"What?"

"Think, Malfoy," Ron stresses.

"That may be asking for too much," Fred and George mutter.

"WHAT WAS THAT?"

"Nothing," the twins sing.

**Life at the Burrow was as different as possible from life on Privet.**

"Of course it was. How profound."

"Shut it, Malfoy."

"Uh... no."

"Malfoy..."

"Weasley, you need to learn how to threaten better."

Hermione just rolls her eyes at the antics of them both.

**Drive. The Dursleys liked everything neat and ordered;**

"The Dursley's need help," Draco mutters.

"What type of help arer you offering?" Snape asks.

"Nothing fit to print."

"Like most of what you say," Ron sneers.

"Weasel."

"Ferret."

"Poor!"

"Oh that stings, really," Ron snorts.

"And you say that Ron needs to learn how to insult better," Hermione sniffs.

**the Weasleys' house burst with the strange and unexpected. Harry got a shock the first time he looked in the mirror over the kitchen mantelpiece and it shouted, "Tuck your shirt in, scruffy!" The ghoul in the attic howled and dropped pipes whenever he felt things were getting too quiet, and small explosions from Fred and George's bedroom were considered perfectly normal. What Harry found most unusual about life at Ron's, however, wasn't the talking mirror or the clanking ghoul: It was the fact that everybody there seemed to like him.**

Remus takes a deep breath. "Can I stop by your aunt and uncle's place, Harry."

"Sure, as long as it's not on a full moon."

"Then what would be the point?" Severus asks.

**Mrs. Weasley fussed over the state of his socks and tried to force him to eat fourth helpings at every meal. Mr. Weasley liked Harry to sit next to him at the dinner table so that he could bombard him with questions about life with Muggles, asking him to explain how things like plugs and the postal service worked.**

"What's the point?"

"Shut up Malfoy."

"Git."

"Succint, Fred."

"Thank you, George."

**"Fascinating," he would say as Harry talked him through using a telephone. "Ingenious, really, how many ways Muggles have found of getting along without magic." Harry heard from Hogwarts one sunny morning about a week after he had arrived at the Burrow. He and Ron went down to breakfast to find Mr. and Mrs. Weasley and Ginny already sitting at the kitchen table.**

**The moment she saw Harry, Ginny accidentally knocked her porridge bowl to the floor with a loud clatter. **

Draco snickers.

Ron glares at him and Draco snickers again.

"Can I kill him?" Ron asks Harry quietly.

"Not with witnesses."

"Hermione?"

"What Harry said."

**Ginny seemed very prone to knocking things over whenever Harry entered a room. She dived under the table to retrieve the bowl and emerged with her face glowing like the setting sun. Pretending he hadn't noticed this, Harry sat down and took the toast Mrs. Weasley offered him.**

**"Letters from school," said Mr. Weasley, passing Harry and Ron identical envelopes of yellowish parchment, addressed in green ink.**

"Oh Merlin, second year... not the books," Severus mutters.

**"Dumbledore already knows you're here, Harry - doesn't miss a trick, that man. You two've got them, too," he added, as Fred and George ambled in, still in their pajamas.**

**For a few minutes there was silence as they all read their letters.**

**Harry's told him to catch the Hogwarts Express as usual from King's Cross station on September first. There was also a list of the new books he'd need for the coming year.**

**SECOND-YEAR STUDENTS WILL REQUIRE: The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 2 by Miranda Goshawk.**

**Break with a Banshee by Gilderoy Lockhart.**

Both Severus and Minerva groan the moment his name is mentioned. Hermione looks uncomfortable.

**Gadding with Ghouls by Gilderoy Lockhart.**

"Two books?" Remus asks aghasts. "That moron published two?"

"It's not over," Severus groans.

**Holidays with Hags by Gilderoy Lockhart.**

"Nooooo..."

"Yesssss," Minerva and Snape confirm.

**Travels with Trolls by Gilderoy Lockhart.**

"If I have to hear his name one more time!"

"It's going to be three more times, Professor."

"BLOODY HELL!"

**Voyages with Vampires by Gilderoy Lockhart.**

"Make the pain stop," Draco whines.

"Make the whining stop," Ron retorts.

**Wanderings with Werewolves by Gilderoy Lockhart.**

**Year with the Yeti by Gilderoy Lockhart.**

"I'm going to be drinking throughout this book, aren't I?" Snape asks looking upwards.

"You won't be the only one," Minerva and Remus say at the same time.

**Fred, who had finished his own list, peered over at Harry's.**

**"You've been told to get all Lockhart's books, too!" he said. "The new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher must be a fan - bet it's a witch." At this point, Fred caught his mother's eye and quickly busied himself with the marmalade.**

"That does not sound right..." Fred says slowly.

"Don't even try to go there, Mr Weasley," Mcgonagall says sharply.

**"That lot won't come cheap," said George, with a quick look at his parents. "Lockhart's books are really expensive...**

**"Well, we'll manage," said Mrs. Weasley, but she looked worried. "I expect we'll be able to pick up a lot of Ginny's things secondhand." **

**"Oh, are you starting at Hogwarts this year." Harry asked Ginny.**

**She nodded, blushing to the roots of her flaming hair, and put her elbow in the butter dish. **

Remus chuckles. "Sounds like Ginny has a case of Jamesitis."

"Jamesitis?" All but Draco and Snape ask. Both look bored.

"James acted like an idiot whenever he was around Lily."**  
**

**Fortunately no one saw this except Harry, because just then Ron's elder brother Percy walked in. He was already dressed, his Hogwarts prefect badge pinned to his sweater vest.**

**"Morning, all," said Percy briskly. "Lovely day." He sat down in the only remaining chair but leapt up again almost immediately, pulling from underneath him a moulting, gray feather duster - at least, that was what Harry thought it was, until he saw that it was breathing.**

**"Errol!" said Ron, taking the limp owl from Percy and extracting a letter from under its wing. **

"Couldn't afford a better owl?" Draco drawls.

"Shut up."

"Oh that's right, Weasley's can't afford better things."

"Malfoy," George looks right at him. "I will turn you into a Ferret."

"You don't scare me."

"I'll do it on a full moon."

Draco promptly shuts up.

**"Finally - he's got Hermione's answer. I wrote to her saying we were going to try and rescue you from the Dursleys." He carried Errol to a perch just inside the back door and tried to stand him on it, but Errol flopped straight off again so Ron lay him on the draining board instead, muttering, "Pathetic." **

**Then he ripped open Hermione's letter and read it out loud: "`Dear Ron, and Harry if you're there, "`I hope everything went all right and that Harry is okay and that you didn't do anything illegal to get him out, Ron, because that would get Harry into trouble, too. I've been really worried and if Harry is all right, will you please let me know at once, but perhaps it would be better if you used a different owl because I think another delivery might finish your one off. I'm very busy with schoolwork, of course'- **

"Stupid Mudblood," Draco mutters to himself.

"Mr Malfoy!" McGonagall glares at him. "Watch that language or that tongue and your vocal chords will disappear."

"At least we'll be spared his whining," Harry mutters.

**How can she be." said Ron in horror. "We're on vacation! - **

"Vacation does not mean learning stops," Hermione says firmly.

"You sound like McGonagall."

"Is that a bad thing Mr Weasley?"

"Erm, no Professor McGonagall."

**'and we're going to London next Wednesday to buy my new books. Why don't we meet in Diagon Alley. et me know what's happening as soon as you can. Love from Hermione."' **

**"Well, that fits in nicely, we can go and get all your things then, too," said Mrs. Weasley, starting to clear the table. "What're you all up to today."**

**Harry, Ron, Fred, and George were planning to go up the hill to a small paddock the Weasleys owned. It was surrounded by trees that blocked it from view of the village below, meaning that they could practice Quidditch there, as long as they didn't fly too high.**

**They couldn't use real Quidditch balls, which would have been hard to explain if they had escaped and flown away over the village; instead they threw apples for one another to catch. They took turns riding Harry's Nimbus Two Thousand, which was easily the best broom; Ron's old Shooting Star was often outstripped by passing butterflies.**

Draco bursts out laughing, pointing at Ron's red face, then falls as his chair falls over.

"That's what you get for rude laughter," Fred says with a glint in his eyes.

"Imbecile!"

"Pollock!"

**Five minutes later they were marching up the hill, broomsticks over their shoulders. They had asked Percy if he wanted to join them, but he had said he was busy. Harry had only seen Percy at mealtimes so far; he stayed shut in his room the rest of the time.**

**"Wish I knew what he was up to," said Fred, frowning. "He's not himself. His exam results came the day before you did; twelve .s and he hardly gloated at all." **

**"Ordinary Wizarding Levels," George explained, seeing Harry's puzzled look. "Bill got twelve, too. If we're not careful, we'll have another Head Boy in the family. I don't think I could stand the shame." **

"But..Bill is cool," Harry couldn't help but protest.

"Bill turned out to be the exception," Fred admits.

"As you have seen," George adds.

"What did your brother do?" Draco asks, unable to help himself.

"You mean dear old Dad didn't tell you? I thought he would know."

"Father didn't make himself interested in your family, Weasley."

**Bill was the oldest Weasley brother. He and the next brother, Charlie, had already left Hogwarts. Harry had never met either of them, but knew that Charlie was in Romania studying dragons and Bill in Egypt working for the wizard's bank, Gringotts.**

**"Dunno how Mum and Dad are going to afford all our school stuff this year," said George after a while. "Five sets of Lockhart books! And Ginny needs robes and a wand and everything ...**

**Harry said nothing. He felt a bit awkward. Stored in an underground vault at Gringotts in London was a small fortune that his parents had left him. Of course, it was only in the wizarding world that he had money; you couldn't use Galleons, Sickles, and Knuts in Muggle shops. He had never mentioned his Gringotts bank account to the Dursleys; he didn't think their horror of anything connected with magic would stretch to a large pile of gold.**

"You should tell them," Draco says firmly.

Harry just looks at him. "Why?"

"They'll die of shock."

"As much as I dislike them, Malfoy, I don't want them dead."

Draco looks confused. "Why not?"

**Mrs. Weasley woke them all early the following Wednesday. After a quick half a dozen bacon sandwiches each, they pulled on their coats and Mrs. Weasley took a flowerpot off the kitchen mantelpiece and peered inside.**

**"We're running low, Arthur," she sighed. "We'll have to buy some more today... Ah well, guests first! After you, Harry dear!"**

**And she offered him the flowerpot.**

**Harry stared at them all watching him.**

**"W-what am I supposed to do." he stammered.**

**"He's never traveled by Floo powder," said Ron suddenly. "Sorry, Harry, I forgot."**

Draco smacks his forhead. "Okay Weasley, you have a friend that was raised by Muggles, actually thinks your house is great, and seems to be boggled at the idea of being able to eat, not to mention he keeps getting awed when it comes to magic. How can you forget that he might not possibly know what Floo powder is?"

"Excellent point, Draco," Severus says smirking at Ron's discomfort.

"Shut up, Malfoy," Ron mutters.

"Is that the best you can do? Seriously? Just shut up?"

"Ferret. Full moon." George repeats, interrupting Ron and Draco.

**"Never." said Mr. Weasley. "But how did you get to Diagon Alley to buy your school things last year?"**

**"I went on the Underground -" **

**"Really?" said Mr. Weasley eagerly. "Were there escapators? How exactly -" **

**"Not now, Arthur," said Mrs. Weasley. "Floo powder's a lot quicker, dear, but goodness me, if you've never used it before -"**

**"He'll be all right, Mum," said Fred. "Harry, watch us first." He took a pinch of glittering powder out of the flowerpot, stepped up to the fire, and threw the powder into the flames.**

**With a roar, the fire turned emerald green and rose higher than Fred, who stepped right into it, shouted, "Diagon Alley!" and vanished.**

"Such riveting details," Severus drawls.

"Your commentary on how Rowling writes is not needed," Remus retorts.

"She includes things we do not need to know-"

"Yes, for us we do not need to know them. For the Muggle public, she describes it. Since these books are intended obviously for Muggles."

"HERETIC!" Draco bellows. "HOW DARE SHE WRITE THIS FOR MUGGLES! HERETIC-!" His yells are cut off as Severus points his wand at him.

"Apologies, Draco. But we don't need to hear it. So I will reverse it when you calm down."

"Let's hope he never calms down," Ron mutters to Harry.

**"You must speak clearly, dear," Mrs. Weasley told Harry as George dipped his hand into the flowerpot. "And be sure to get out at the right grate ...**

**"The right what?" said Harry nervously as the fire roared and whipped George out of sight, too.**

**"Well, there are an awful lot of wizard fires to choose from, you know, but as long as you've spoken clearly -" **

**"He'll be fine, Molly, don't fuss," said Mr. Weasley, helping himself to Floo powder, too.**

**"But, dear, if he got lost, how would we ever explain to his aunt and uncle?" **

"Hey Hermione?"

"Yes, Ron?"

"You haven't said anything in a bit."

"Was wondering why I felt happy," Draco says softly.

"Haven't had a reason to say anything, Ron."

"Oh. Okay."

"You interrupted the reading just for that?" Severus asks testily.

"Yes."

Severus turns red as Harry quickly continues to read on.

**"They wouldn't mind," Harry reassured her. "Dudley would think it was a brilliant joke if I got lost up a chimney, don't worry about that -" **

Draco looks annoyed now he can't say anything to that and the twins snicker.

"Peace and quiet," McGonagall murmurs.

"Won't last long," Snape mutters.

**"Well ... all right ... you go after Arthur," said Mrs. Weasley. "Now, when you get into the fire, say where you're going."**

**"And keep your elbows tucked in," Ron advised.**

**"And your eyes shut," said Mrs. Weasley. **

**"The soot -" **

**"Don't fidget," said Ron.**

**"Or you might well fall out of the wrong fireplace -" **

**"But don't panic and get out too early; wait until you see Fred and George." **

"Well that's just great," McGonagall says sarcastically. "Just confuse him by giving him so much advice that it won't work."

"True Gryffindor," Snape drawls earning a glare from Minerva.

**Trying hard to bear all this in mind, Harry took a pinch of Floo powder and walked to the edge of the fire. He took a deep breath, scattered the powder into the flames, and stepped forward; the fire felt like a warm breeze; he opened his mouth and immediately swallowed a lot of hot ash.**

**"D-Dia-gon Alley," he coughed.**

"Not good," George speaks up.

"Thank you for stating the obvious, Mr Weasley."

"Just doing my job, Professor."

**It felt as though he was being sucked down a giant drain. He seemed to be spinning very fast - the roaring in his ears was deafening -he tried to keep his eyes open but the whirl of green flames made him feel sick - something hard knocked his elbow and he tucked it in tightly, still spinning and spinning - now it felt as though cold hands were slapping his face - squinting through his glasses he saw a blurred stream of fireplaces and snatched glimpses of the rooms beyond - his bacon sandwiches were churning inside him - he closed his eyes again wishing it would stop, and then He fell, face forward, onto cold stone and felt the bridge of his glasses snap.**

"Oh Harry," Hermione sighs.

**Dizzy and bruised, covered in soot, he got gingerly to his feet, holding his broken glasses up to his eyes. He was -,cite alone, but where he was, he had no idea. All he could tell was that he was standing in the stone fireplace of what looked like a large, dimly lit wizard's shop - but nothing in here was ever likely to be on a Hogwarts school list.**

Draco frowns.

"Is this the..." Ron asks Harry. Harry just nods, and continues reading.

**A glass case nearby held a withered hand on a cushion, a bloodstained pack of cards, and a staring glass eye. Evil-looking masks stared down from the walls, an assortment of human bones lay upon the counter, and rusty, spiked instruments hung from the ceiling. Even worse, the dark, narrow street Harry could see through the dusty shop window was definitely not Diagon Alley.**

"KNOCKTURN!" George and Fred announce triumphantly.

"Of course," Remus and McGonagall say at the same time. "Where else."

**The sooner he got out of here, the better. Nose still stinging where it had hit the hearth, Harry made his way swiftly and silently toward the door, but before he'd got halfway toward it, two people appeared on the other side of the glass - and one of them was the 49 very last person Harry wanted to meet when he was lost, covered in soot, and wearing broken glasses: Draco Malfoy.**

"Hey!"

"You took it off of him?"

"Yes, Mr Weasley."

"Damn," all three of them said at once.

**Harry looked quickly around and spotted a large black cabinet to his left; he shot inside it and pulled the doors closed, leaving a small crack to peer through. Seconds later, a bell clanged, and Malfoy stepped into the shop.**

**The man who followed could only be Draco's father. He had the same pale, pointed face and identical cold, gray eyes. Mr. Malfoy crossed the shop, looking lazily at the items on display, and rang a bell on the counter before turning to his son and saying, "Touch nothing, Draco." **

**Malfoy, who had reached for the glass eye, said, "I thought you were going to buy me a present." **

**"I said I would buy you a racing broom," said his father, drumming his fingers on the counter.**

**"What's the good of that if I'm not on the House team." said Malfoy, looking sulky and bad-tempered. **

"I resent that."

"Who cares?"

**"Harry Potter got a Nimbus Two Thousand last year. Special permission from Dumbledore so he could play for Gryffindor. He's not even that good, it's just because he's famous ... famous for having a stupid scar on his forehead . . . ." Malfoy bent down to examine a shelf full of skulls.**

**". . . everyone thinks he's so smart, wonderful Potter with his scar and his broomstick -" **

"Awww. Is little Draco jealous?" Fred teases.

"Hardly."

**"You have told me this at least a dozen times already," said Mr. Malfoy, with a quelling look at his son. "And I would remind you that it is not - prudent - to appear less than fond of Harry Potter, not when most of our kind regard him as the hero who made the Dark Lord disappear - ah, Mr. Borgin." A stooping man had appeared behind the counter, smoothing his greasy hair back from his face.**

**"Mr. Malfoy, what a pleasure to see you again," said Mr. Borgin in a voice as oily as his hair. **

"Is that possible?"

McGonagall sighs. "It's an expression, Fred Weasley."

"Oh I know. Just wanted to see if someone would reply to that. Thanks McGonagall."

**"Delighted - and young Master Malfoy, too - charmed. How may I be of assistance. I must show you, just in today, and very reasonably priced -"**

**"I'm not buying today, Mr. Borgin, but selling," said Mr. Malfoy.**

**"Selling." The smile faded slightly from Mr. Borgin's face.**

**"You have heard, of course, that the Ministry is conducting more raids," said Mr. Malfoy, taking a roll of parchment from his inside pocket and unraveling it for Mr. Borgin to read. "I have a few - ah - items at home that might embarrass me, if the Ministry were to call...**

**Mr. Borgin fixed a pair of pince-nez to his nose and looked down the list.**

**"The Ministry wouldn't presume to trouble you, sir, surely." Mr. Malfoy's lip curled.**

**"I have not been visited yet. The name Malfoy still commands a certain respect, yet the Ministry grows ever more meddlesome. There are rumors about a new Muggle Protection Act - no doubt that flea- bitten, Muggle-loving fool Arthur Weasley is behind it-"**

**Harry felt a hot surge of anger.**

"So am I," all three Weasleys say, faces turning red.

**"- and as you see, certain of these poisons might make it appear -" "I understand, sir, of course," said Mr. Borgin. "Let me see. . ."**

**"Can I have that?" interrupted Draco, pointing at the withered hand on its cushion.**

**"Ah, the Hand of Glory!" said Mr. Borgin, abandoning Mr. Malfoy's list and scurrying over to Draco. "Insert a candle and it gives light only to the holder! Best friend of thieves and plunderers! Your son has fine taste, sir." **

"Hermione?"

"What is IT, Ronald?"

"Erm, never mind."

**"I hope my son will amount to more than a thief or a plunderer, Borgin," said Mr. Malfoy coldly.**

**Mr. Borgin said quickly, "No offense, sir, no offense meant -" **

**"Though if his grades don't pick up," said Mr. Malfoy, more coldly still, "that may indeed be all he is fit for -" **

**"It's not my fault," retorted Draco. "The teachers all have favorites, that Hermione Granger -" **

"Watch it," Ron threatens.

"Watch what?"

"You know what I mean Malfoy!"

"Noooo... no I don't really."

"Pissant."

"Oooh, learned another word have we?"

"Stuff it, Malfoy."

"Stuff what?"

"Malfoy!"

**"I would have thought you'd be ashamed that a girl of no wizard family beat you in every exam," snapped Mr. Malfoy.**

**"Ha!" said Harry under his breath, pleased to see Draco looking both abashed and angry.**

"You got issues, Potter if that makes you happy."

"You're just now thinking I have issues?" Harry mutters.

**"It's the same all over," said Mr. Borgin, in his oily voice. "Wizard blood is counting for less everywhere -" **

**"Not with me," said Mr. Malfoy, his long nostrils flaring.**

**"No, sir, nor with me, sir," said Mr. Borgin, with a deep bow.**

"Suck up," Draco sneers.

**"In that case, perhaps we can return to my list," said Mr. Malfoy shortly. "I am in something of a hurry, Borgin, I have important business elsewhere today -" They started to haggle. Harry watched nervously as Draco drew nearer and nearer to his hiding place, examining the objects for sale.**

**Draco paused to examine a long coil of hangman's rope and to read, smirking, the card propped on a magnificent necklace of opals, Caution: Do Not Touch. Cursed - Has Claimed the Lives of Nineteen Muggle Owners to Date.**

**Draco turned away and saw the cabinet right in front of him. He walked forward - he stretched out his hand for the handle "Done," said Mr. Malfoy at the counter. "Come, Draco -" Harry wiped his forehead on his sleeve as Draco turned away.**

**"Good day to you, Mr. Borgin. I'll expect you at the manor tomorrow to pick up the goods." The moment the door had closed, Mr. Borgin dropped his oily manner.**

**"Good day yourself, Mister Malfoy, and if the stories are true, you haven't sold me half of what's hidden in your manor..."**

Draco looks uncomfortable there and shifts in his chair, looking up at the ceiling.

**Muttering darkly, Mr. Borgin disappeared into a back room. Harry waited for a minute in case he came back, then, quietly as he could, slipped out of the cabinet, past the glass cases, and out of the shop door.**

**Clutching his broken glasses to his face, Harry stared around. He had emerged into a dingy alleyway that seemed to be made up entirely of shops devoted to the Dark Arts. The one he'd just left, Borgin and Burkes, looked like the largest, but opposite was a nasty window display of shrunken heads and, two doors down, a large cage was alive with gigantic black spiders. Two shabby-looking wizards were watching him from the shadow of a doorway, muttering to each other.**

"Ummm...Hermione?"

"WHAT?"

"Never-"

"No, don't you say never mind, Ronald Weasley. You keep saying my name for a reason, so what is it?"

"Just checking, honestly."

"Checking what?"

"I uh..."

"What are you checking Ronald?"

"I uh...Harry help me out here?"

"On your own, mate."

**Feeling jumpy, Harry set off, trying to hold his glasses on straight and hoping against hope he'd be able to find a way out of here.**

**An old wooden street sign hanging over a shop selling poisonous candles told him he was in Knockturn Alley. This didn't help, as Harry had never heard of such a place. He supposed he hadn't spoken clearly enough through his mouthful of ashes back in the Weasleys' fire. Trying to stay calm, he wondered what to do.**

**"Not lost are you, my dear." said a voice in his ear, making him jump.**

**An aged witch stood in front of him, holding a tray of what looked horribly like whole human fingernails. She leered at him, showing mossy teeth. Harry backed away.**

**"I'm fine, thanks," he said.**

**"I'm just -" **

**"HARRY! What d'yeh think yer doin' down there." **

"Saved by Hagrid," Remus grins.

"Thankfully."

"Unfortunately."

"MR MALFOY!"

**Harry's heart leapt. **

"Did it take a big leap Harry?" George asks.

**So did the witch; a load of fingernails cascaded down over her feet and she cursed as the massive form of Hagrid, the Hogwarts gamekeeper, came striding toward them, beetle-black eyes flashing over his great bristling beard.**

**"Hagrid!" Harry croaked in relief. "I was lost - Floo powder -" **

**Hagrid seized Harry by the scruff of the neck and pulled him away from the witch, knocking the tray right out of her hands. Her shrieks followed them all the way along the twisting alleyway out into bright sunlight. Harry saw a familiar, snow-white marble building in the distance - Gringotts Bank. Hagrid had steered him right into Diagon Alley.**

**"Yer a mess!" said Hagrid gruffly, brushing soot off Harry so forcefully he nearly knocked him into a barrel of dragon dung outside an apothecary. "Skulkin' around Knockturn Alley, I dunno dodgy place, Harry - don' want no one ter see yeh down there -"**

**"I realized that," said Harry, ducking as Hagrid made to brush him off again. "I told you, I was lost - what were you doing down there, anyway."**

**"I was lookin' fer a Flesh-Eatin' Slug Repellent," growled Hagrid.**

Draco sniffs. "Likely story."

**"They're ruinin' the school cabbages. Yer not on yer own." **

"Darn, and to think we almost had a cabbageless year."

"Pity, Fred. Truly."

"I know George."

"I like cabbage."

"That's because you're not normal, Ron."

"I am so."

"No, you're not."

"I am!"

"Ron, you had to play against a giant chess board in your first year. That is not normal."

"Look who's talking!"

"Enough!" Snape and Minerva snap.

**"I'm staying with the Weasleys but we got separated," Harry explained.**

**"I've got to go and find them . . . ." They set off together down the street.**

"Again, riveting writing."

**"How come yeh never wrote back ter me." said Hagrid as Harry jogged alongside him (he had to take three steps to every stride of Hagrid's enormous boots). Harry explained all about Dobby and the Dursleys.**

**"Lousy Muggles," growled Hagrid. "If I'd've known -" **

**"Harry! Harry! Over here!" Harry looked up and saw Hermione Granger standing at the top of the white flight of steps to Gringotts. She ran down to meet them, her bushy brown hair flying behind her.**

"Perfect description," Draco drawls.

**"What happened to your glasses? Hello, Hagrid - Oh, it's wonderful to see you two again - Are you coming into Gringotts, Harry."**

**"As soon as I've found the Weasleys," said Harry.**

**"Yeh won't have long ter wait," Hagrid said with a grin.**

**Harry and Hermione looked around: Sprinting up the crowded street were Ron, Fred, George, Percy, and Mr. Weasley.**

**"Harry," Mr. Weasley panted. "We hoped you'd only gone one grate too far .**

**He mopped his glistening bald patch. "Molly's frantic - she's coming now -" **

**"Where did you come out?" Ron asked.**

**"Knockturn Alley," said Hagrid grimly.**

**"Excellent." said Fred and George together.**

**"We've never been allowed in," said Ron enviously.**

**"I should ruddy well think not," growled Hagrid.**

"What is he, a dog?"

**Mrs. Weasley now came galloping into view, her handbag swinging wildly in one hand, Ginny just clinging onto the other.**

**"Oh, Harry - oh, my dear - you could have been any where -" Gasping for breath she pulled a large clothes brush out of her bag and began sweeping off the soot Hagrid hadn't managed to beat away. Mr. Weasley took Harry's glasses, gave them a tap of his wand, and returned them, good as new.**

**"Well, gotta be off," said Hagrid, who was having his hand wrung by Mrs. Weasley **

**("Knockturn Alley! If you hadn't found him, Hagrid!"). **

**"See yer at Hogwarts!" And he strode away, head and shoulders taller than anyone else in the packed street.**

"Hermione?"

"I swear, you say my name one more time without reason Ronald, I will personally remove your vocal chords."

Silence.

"Yes, Hermione."

"Whipped," Draco scoffs.

"That goes for you too Malfoy, and I'll make sure you never get yours back."

**"Guess who I saw in Borgin and Burkes." Harry asked Ron and Hermione as they climbed the Gringotts steps. "Malfoy and his father."**

"Snitch."

**"Did Lucius Malfoy buy anything." said Mr. Weasley sharply behind them.**

**"No, he was selling =' **

**"So he's worried," said Mr. Weasley with grim satisfaction. "Oh, I'd love to get Lucius Malfoy for something...**

**"You be careful, Arthur," said Mrs. Weasley sharply as they were bowed into the bank by a goblin at the door. "That family's trouble. Don't go biting off more than you can chew -" **

**"So you don't think I'm a match for Lucius Malfoy." said Mr. Weasley indignantly,**

"You're not."

"SHUT UP MALFOY!"

**but he was distracted almost at once by the sight of Hermione's parents, who were standing nervously at the counter that ran all along the great marble hall, waiting for Hermione to introduce them. **

**"But you're Muggles!" said Mr. Weasley delightedly. "We must have a drink! What's that you've got there. Oh, you're changing Muggle money. Molly, look!" He pointed excitedly at the tenpound notes in Mr. Granger's hand.**

**"Meet you back here," Ron said to Hermione as the Weasleys and Harry were led off to their underground vaults by another Gringotts goblin.**

**The vaults were reached by means of small, goblin-driven carts that sped along miniature train tracks through the bank's underground tunnels.**

Everyone notices that Harry seems to start rushing through this bit, although Remus looks a little confused by it.

**Harry enjoyed the breakneck journey down to the Weasleys' vault, but felt dreadful, far worse than he had in Knockturn Alley, when it was opened.**

**There was a very small pile of silver Sickles inside, and just one gold Galleon.**

**Mrs. Weasley felt right into the corners before sweeping the whole lot into her bag. Harry felt even worse when they reached his vault. He tried to block the contents from view as he hastily shoved handfuls of coins into a leather bag.**

**Back outside on the marble steps, they all separated. Percy muttered vaguely about needing a new quill. Fred and George had spotted their friend from Hogwarts, Lee Jordan. **

"Right pain as well," Snape mutters.

"He's still smarting over the spider in his office?" George asks Fred.

"Sounds like it."

"Poor sense of humor he has."

"Truly, twin. Pity."

**Mrs. Weasley and Ginny were going to a secondhand robe shop. Mr. Weasley was insisting on taking the Grangers off to the Leaky Cauldron for a drink.**

**"We'll all meet at Flourish and Blotts in an hour to buy your schoolbooks," said Mrs. Weasley, setting off with Ginny. "And not one step down Knockturn Alley!" she shouted at the twins' retreating backs.**

**Harry, Ron, and Hermione strolled off along the winding, cobbled street.**

**The bag of gold, silver, and bronze jangling cheerfully in Harry's pocket was clamoring to be spent, so he bought three large strawberry-and-peanut-butter ice creams, which they slurped happily as they wandered up the alley, examining the fascinating shop windows. Ron gazed longingly at a full set of Chudley Can non robes in the windows of Quality Quidditch Supplies until Hermione dragged them off to buy ink and parchment next door.**

**In Gambol and Japes Wizarding Joke Shop, they met Fred, George, and Lee Jordan, who were stocking up on Dr. Filibuster's Fabulous Wet-Start, No-Heat Fireworks, and in a tiny junk shop full of bro ken wands, lopsided brass scales, and old cloaks covered in potion stains they found Percy, deeply immersed in a small and deeply boring book called Prefects Who Gained Power.**

**`A study of Hogwarts prefects and their later careers, " Ron read aloud off the back cover. "That sounds fascinating . . . ." **

**"Go away," Percy snapped.**

**"'Course, he's very ambitious, Percy, he's got it all planned out ... He wants to be Minister of Magic. . . " Ron told Harry and Hermione in an undertone as they left Percy to it.**

**An hour later, they headed for Flourish and Blotts. They were by no means the only ones making their way to the bookshop. As they approached it, they saw to their surprise a large crowd jostling out side the doors, trying to get in. The reason for this was proclaimed by a large banner stretched across the upper windows: GILDEROY LOCKHART**

"Nooooooooooooooooo," both Minera and Snape groan.

"How bad does he get?" Remus wonders aloud.

"You'll find out," Harry says darkly.

**will be signing copies of his autobiography MAGICAL ME today 12:30 P.m. to 4:30 P.m.**

**"We can actually meet him!" Hermione squealed. "I mean, he's written almost the whole booklist!" The crowd seemed to be made up mostly of witches around Mrs. Weasley's age. **

**A harrassed-looking wizard stood at the door, saying, "Calmly, please, ladies ... Don't push, there ... mind the books, now . ." **

**Harry, Ron, and Hermione squeezed inside. A long line wound right to the back of the shop, where Gilderoy Lockhart **

"Stop saying his name."

"Sorry, Professor," Harry says to Snape, not sounding sorry however.

**was signing his books. They each grabbed a copy of The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 2 and sneaked up the line to where the rest of the Weasleys were standing with Mr. and Mrs. Granger.**

**"Oh, there you are, good," said Mrs. Weasley. She sounded breathless and kept patting her hair. "We'll be able to see him in a minute...**

**Gilderoy Lockhart came slowly into view, seated at a table surrounded by large pictures of his own face, all winking and flashing dazzlingly white teeth at the crowd. **

"I already want a drink," Snape says flatly.

**The real Lockhart was wearing robes of forget-me-not blue that exactly matched his eyes; his pointed wizard's hat was set at a jaunty angle on his wavy hair.**

McGonagall already looks ill.

**A short, irritable-looking man was dancing around taking photographs with a large black camera that emitted puffs of purple smoke with every blinding flash.**

**"Out of the way, there," he snarled at Ron, moving back to get a better shot. "This is for the Daily Prophet -"**

**"Big deal," said Ron, rubbing his foot where the photographer had stepped on it.**

**Gilderoy Lockhart heard him. He looked up. He saw Ron and then he saw Harry. He stared. Then he leapt to his feet and positively shouted, "It can't be, Harry Potter!" The crowd parted, whispering excitedly; Lockhart dived forward, seized Harry's arm, and pulled him to the front. The crowd burst into applause.**

"I hate him even more," Remus announces.

"Join the club," Minera and Severus say at the same time.

**Harry's face burned as Lockhart shook his hand for the photographer, who was clicking away madly, wafting thick smoke over the Weasleys.**

**"Nice big smile, Harry," said Lockhart, through his own gleaming teeth.**

Severus and Draco gag, while the Weasley's look ill now.

**"Together, you and I are worth the front page." When he finally let go of Harry's hand, Harry could hardly feel his fingers.**

**He tried to sidle back over to the Weasleys, but Lockhart threw an arm around his shoulders and clamped him tightly to his side.**

**"Ladies and gentlemen," he said loudly, waving for quiet. "What an extraordinary moment this is! The perfect moment for me to make a little announcement I've been sitting on for some time! "When young Harry here stepped into Flourish and Blotts today, he only wanted to buy my autobiography -which I shall be happy to present him now, free of charge-"**

**The crowd applauded again. **

"Granger?"

"Any reason you're calling my name, Draco?"

"No."

Hermione sputters.

**"He had no idea," Lockhart continued, giving Harry a little shake that made his glasses slip to the end of his nose, "that he would shortly be getting much, much more than my book, Magical Me. He and his schoolmates will, in fact, be getting the real magical me. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have great pleasure and pride in announcing that this September, I will be taking up the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!" **

Remus blinks, sputters. " Has Dumbledore lost it?"

"I thought he did."

Minerva glares at Severys, "Only because he chose Lockhart over you."

"I WOULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER PROFESSOR THAN HIM!"

"NO NEED TO SHOUT! IT'S NOT MY FAULT, YOU OVER GROWN BAT!"

Severus stares at Minerva for a moment, turning red. "AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE TO USE A LITTERBOX!"

"AT LEAST MY ANIMAGUS FORM ISN'T ASSOCIATED WITH VAMPIRES!"

"NO, YOURS WAS BURNED AT THE STAKE WITH MUGGLE WOMAN THOUGHT TO BE WITCHES!"

Draco just watches, utterly fascinated. "This is fascinating."

Remus tries to butt in. " Can the two adults please act like adults?"

"SHE/HE STARTED IT!"

"Not acting like adults there"

"Can I continue or are you two going to argue a bit more about which animagus form is better? By the way, my dad has you beat. A stag is better."

Minerva and Severus just scowl, glare at Harry and sulk in their chairs. Hermione just shakes her at the whole scene.

"They've both gone mental," Fred whispers to George.

"We've known they both were, but now we have proof."

**The crowd cheered and clapped and Harry found himself being 60 presented with the entire works of Gilderoy Lockhart. Staggering slightly under their weight, he managed to make his way out of the limelight to the edge of the room, where Ginny was standing next to her new cauldron.**

**"You have these," Harry mumbled to her, tipping the books into the cauldron. "I'll buy my own -" **

**"Bet you loved that, didn't you, Potter." said a voice Harry had no trouble recognizing. He straightened up and found himself face-to-face with Draco Malfoy, who was wearing his usual sneer.**

"Didn't know I had a usual sneer."

"You do."

"Oh well, I'll file that away for later. Thank you."

"Git."

"Potty."

"Shut up Malfoy."

"Make me."

"You two are NOT five years old!"

**"Famous Harry Potter," said Malfoy. "Can't even go into a bookshop without making the front page." **

**"Leave him alone, he didn't want all that!" said Ginny. It was the first time she had spoken in front of Harry. She was glaring at Malfoy.**

**"Potter, you've got yourself a girlfriend!" drawled Malfoy. Ginny went scarlet as Ron and Hermione fought their way over, both clutching stacks of Lockhart's books.**

**"Oh, it's you," said Ron, looking at Malfoy as if he were something unpleasant on the sole of his shoe. "Bet you're surprised to see Harry here, eh."**

**"Not as surprised as I am to see you in a shop, Weasley," retorted Malfoy. "I suppose your parents will go hungry for a month to pay for all those." Ron went as red as Ginny. He dropped his books into the cauldron too, and started toward Malfoy, but Harry and Hermione grabbed the back of his jacket.**

"Why?"

"To prevent you from doing something stupid."

"Which you always do," Hermione adds.

**"Ron!" said Mr. Weasley, struggling over with Fred and George.**

**"What are you doing. It's too crowded in here, let's go outside."**

**"Well, well, well - Arthur Weasley." It was Mr. Malfoy. He stood with his hand on Draco's shoulder, sneering in just the same way.**

**"Lucius," said Mr. Weasley, nodding coldly.**

**"Busy time at the Ministry, I hear," said Mr. Malfoy. "All those raids ... I hope they're paying you overtime." He reached into Ginny's cauldron and extracted, from amid the glossy Lockhart books, a very old, very battered copy of A Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration.**

Everyone now notices how Harry's voice tightens and his hands grip the book tightly. Ron even seems to lost the urge to make snide comments, as well as George and Fred.

**"Obviously not," Mr. Malfoy said. "Dear me, what's the use of being a disgrace to the name of wizard if they don't even pay you well for it." Mr. Weasley flushed darker than either Ron or Ginny.**

**"We have a very different idea of what disgraces the name of wizard, Malfoy," he said.**

**"Clearly," said Mr. Malfoy, his pale eyes straying to Mr. and Mrs. Granger, who were watching apprehensively. "The company you keep, Weasley ... and I thought your family could sink no lower-' There was a thud of metal as Ginny's cauldron went flying; **

"Your dad sucks at fighting by the way."

"Your dad just sucks."

**Mr. Weasley had thrown himself at Mr. Malfoy, knocking him backward into a bookshelf. Dozens of heavy spellbooks came thundering down on all their heads; there was a yell of, "Get him, Dad!" from Fred or George; Mrs. Weasley was shrieking, "No, Arthur, no!"; the crowd stampeded backward, knocking more shelves over; "Gentlemen, please - please!" cried the assistant, and then, louder than all "Break it up, there, gents, break it up -" **

**Hagrid was wading toward them through the sea of books. In an instant he had pulled Mr. Weasley and Mr. Malfoy apart. Mr. Weasley had a cut lip and Mr. Malfoy had been hit in the eye by an Encyclopedia of Toadstools. He was still holding Ginny's old Transfiguration book. He thrust it at her, his eyes glittering with malice.**

**"Here, girl - take your book - it's the best your father can give you -" Pulling himself out of Hagrid's grip he beckoned to Draco and swept from the shop.**

"Hey Harry?"

"Yes?" Harry grits out from his clenched jaw.

"Would you mind not tearing the book, mate? We still need to read it."

"I'm working on it."

"What is going on now?" Remus wonders again.

"History, Remus," Severus sneers but he now knows what is bother Harry. "Listen."

**"Yeh should've ignored him, Arthur," said Hagrid, almost lifting Mr. Weasley off his feet as he straightened his robes. "Rotten ter the core, the whole family, everyone knows that - no Malfoy's worth listenin' ter - bad blood, that's what it is - come on now - let's get outta here."**

**The assistant looked as though he wanted to stop them leaving, but he barely came up to Hagrid's waist and seemed to think better of it. They hurried up the street, the Grangers shaking with fright and Mrs. Weasley beside herself with fury.**

**"A fine example to set for your children . . . brawling in public . . . what Gilderoy Lockhart must've thought -" **

"Who cares?" Everyone said at once.

**"He was pleased," said Fred. "Didn't you hear him as we were leaving. He was asking that bloke from the Daily Prophet if he'd be able to work the fight into his report - said it was all publicity -" **

**But it was a subdued group that headed back to the fireside in the Leaky Cauldron, where Harry, the Weasleys, and all their shopping would be traveling back to the Burrow using Floo powder. **

**They said good-bye to the Grangers, who were leaving the pub for the Muggle street on the other side; Mr. Weasley started to ask them how bus stops worked, but stopped quickly at the look on Mrs. Weasley's face.**

**Harry took off his glasses and put them safely in his pocket before helping himself to Floo powder. It definitely wasn't his favorite way to travel.**

Harry sets the book down. "There, done. End of chapter."

"Yes!" Ron pumps his fist in the air.

"I suppose my turn now," Hermione speaks up.

"Mind if we take a break from this oh so fascinating read for about five minutes or so? I need one."

"So do I," Minerva adds.

"We could all use one I think," Remus also speaks up.


End file.
